


Greyhound Bound for Nowhere.

by Lexilindale35



Category: Bellamy Blake - Fandom, Bellarke - Fandom, Clarke Griffin - Fandom, The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-18 08:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3563771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Bellarke</p>
<p>She's leaving the boy she loved behind, because he loves someone else.<br/>She's going home to find the life she left behind. </p>
<p>On the way home she sits next to a stranger, who isn't just any stranger. He's the older brother of the best friend she's running home to. The brother who tortured her, the brother who was sent away for his juvenile actions. He's all grown up and that crush she tried to deny is back full force as they spend the next two days trapped on a bus together, reliving the painful past Clarke is running from, and the home Bellamy is running to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I really am in love with this story idea! I have a few other scenes mapped out. I hope you enjoy the first part!!!
> 
> Miranda Lambert's Greyhound bound for nowhere inspired the beginning.

Chapter 1

The rain was falling down in sheets. It wasn't raining when I got to the station, but once the world felt my pain, it started. My heart was breaking into a million little pieces. I didn't even say goodbye, I just left. I left it all behind. Because that was easier than trying to fix any of it.

There was a phone ringing. I felt an ache inside my chest. I wanted that to be him, searching for me. I wanted that scene from every movie to play out: he would run through the station and beg me to stay. He would tell me he had left her, and we would run off into the sunset together. 

But this Isn't a movie, this is real life. Real life didn't always have happy endings.

I stood up straighter. I didn't want it to be him, I wouldn't want him anymore. I could push down my pain, because my pride was more important. I wouldn't let myself be in love with someone who wasn't in love with only me. That isn't how love is supposed to work.

The bus pulled up to the curb and we all got ready. Some people had umbrellas, which was stupid since the time between the rain and the bus door was literally three seconds long. I held onto the strap of my duffel bag, hoping that my best friend wasn't kidding when she told me I always had a place to stay.

I had given up half of my life for him. Now I had to reclaim the life I had lost. Maybe I didn't get that fairytale ending, but at least I could say I hadn't lost myself. I was still as strong as the day I met him. Possibly stronger.

"Clarke!" I heard my name as I got closer to the rain. I closed my eyes, ignoring his voice. I heard people telling him to slow down, I heard them annoyed at him rushing the line.

The attendant look at me with a smile, “ticket."

I handed him the one way ticket and then put my duffel bag into the compartment as he scanned it. My heart was racing, it took everything in me not to look back and see how close he was. I let the rain hit me as I got my ticket back.

"Have a nice trip.” He tipped his hat as I grabbed the handle and pulled myself up into the doorway of the bus. My heart froze inside my chest, this was it. I was finally walking away from the one person I thought I couldn’t live without. He was everything I never thought I wanted. Then it turned out to be too good to be true.

I forced myself up the last step and knew I wouldn’t have a nice trip. I was going to be stuck on this bus for two days. That's a long time when you're sitting still. That’s a long time when you’re trying to forget the heartache that’s following you all the way back home. I walked down the aisle and found two empty seats near the back. I thought about sitting on the other side, facing away from the station. 

I listened to my heart for the last time. I sat down at the window, sitting my purse on the floor. I watched him reached the front of the line and the attendant told him I was already on. He was stopped before he could get on with me. His eyes searched the windows, I could see how much pain was in them when he finally found me.

"Clarke please," his voice broke, but I shook my head. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't share someone I was in love with, "I love you."

I shook my head, "I can't love you anymore.”

I didn't know if he could hear me, but I had to say the words out loud. I let out a breath as he stayed standing there. He stood in the rain, watching as I stayed on the bus. I had never been the first one to leave, I was always the first to give in during a fight. I loved him. 

Things had to change. He couldn't get what he wanted. Not when he wanted the best of both worlds. I knew I should look away, but I kept watching him, waiting for him to leave. 

Tears were clouding my vision as I pressed my hand to the glass. He needs me, but she needs him. I can't change that. There's some things that can't be undo. Finn stood there watching me, his tears bigger than mine. He knew why I had to go, he couldn't love us both, not at the same time.

My heart broke for what I hoped was the last time, as the bus beeped and we pulled out of the station. I wouldn't cry. I pulled my hands into fists and squeezed them until my nails bit into my skin. I wouldn't cry, not for him. I closed my eyes and felt a shoulder hit mine.

"Hey watch it," the voice was deep and made me jump. My eyes snapped open and there was a boy beside me. 

His eyes were green and sparkling, his hair falling into his eyes. He looked like he had been kissed by the sun with all his freckles. My eyes went to his Adam's apple, as he swallowed and he looked at me with narrow eyes.

I didn't apologize, I just kept staring at him. I didn't know when he had appeared beside me, "you hit me when you fell into that seat.”

He huffed and I realized that being mad at him made it easier to fight off the tears. I sat up straighter and claimed the rest beside me with my entire arm. He narrowed his eyes at me and I couldn't help but laugh.

The best part about his tall, dark, handsome, and asshole personality was that he was the total opposite of Finn. He kept the ache sealed as he started at me. I kept smiling and I could tell he thought I was crazy. 

"Okay so apparently I got seated next to a crazy person. Awesome," his voice was dripping with sarcasm. I liked the way his face gave away how he really felt. He couldn't hide behind those good looks and make you actually believe he didn't care.

I rolled my eyes, "there aren't assigned seats, you could move you know.”

He flashed me a small smile, "but then I wouldn't get the pleasure of watching your little soap opera up close.”

He pointed to the window and the knife went in a little further. I closed my eyes and tried to fight off another wave of emotion. I just needed to get back home, I needed to see my friends. Then I would know I made the right decision.

I sighed, ignoring his stare. I needed to stop thinking about Finn, about the life I gave up to be with him. I wasn't that girl, I would pick up the pieces and find my way back home and be stronger than before. 

"So where's this greyhound taking you?" His deep voice surprised me. 

I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a conversation with him. I raised an eyebrow, surprised at his question, “I don’t even know who you are, why would I tell you where I’m going?”

His laugh was just as deep as his voice, and it was a beautiful sound. So low and smooth, again different than Finn’s. He laughed loudly, almost high pitched. I couldn’t stop comparing the two of them. Maybe I was trying too hard to forget him, or maybe I was just holding onto the first person who took the pain away without trying.

“Fair enough. Well stranger,” he looked at me with those eyes and gave me a smirk, “I’m going to see my sister.”

He still hadn’t told me his name. I shook my blonde curls, wondering why I had gotten stuck with chatty Cathy here, “I’m going home.”

I stole a glance in his direction and I could see him thinking about that. The bus sped up as we got onto the highway and I felt my phone vibrate. I knew it was him, I knew if I looked at the screen it would be Finn’s name flashing brightly back at me. So I didn’t pick it up, I kept staring at the seat in front of me.

“Home,” he said slowly, “I haven’t seen home in a long time.”

I looked over at him, “me either.”

It was weird, I felt so comfortable around this stranger, like I knew him. I looked in his direction, trying to figure out if I did know him. He looked a little familiar, but I knew I wouldn’t have forgotten that handsome face if I had seen it before. Those eyes, there were bright and hiding a secret only he knew. I wouldn't have been able to forget him if I met him before.

My hands were shaking as my phone vibrated again. Mystery boy cleared his throat, “so what happened between you and Romeo?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, “nothing. It’s a long complicated story that I’m trying to forget about right now.”

“Got it,” he nodded his head and looked at me, “so what happened to your face?”

My eyes went wide, and I touched my cheek. His eyes went towards my eyebrow and I realized he was asking me about my scar, “that’s rude.”

“Just making conversation. The bus is full, we’re stuck with each other for the next two days.”

My stomach fell, “wait you said two days. Your sister lives in Pennsylvania too?”

He nodded his head, his brown hair falling forward as he did it, “yeah I grew up there too, I’ve been wandering for a little bit now. Wait is that home for you?” I nodded, “yeah. My best friend always told me that when things fell apart, because she is always right and knew they would, there was a place for me at her house.”

His eyes went wide as he looked at me, “Clarke Griffin.”

My heart stopped, he knew my name. How in the world did he know my name? He smiled at my reaction, “how do you know me?”

He nodded his head, “I knew you looked familiar. Octavia told me she was expecting you to come back soon. She missed you.”

My eyes went wide as I kept staring at him, and I realized who he was. All the memories I tried to get rid of the moment I left Lancaster came rushing back, “Bellamy Blake. You son of a bitch.”

His deep voice laughed again, “I take it you remember me now, huh?”

I crossed my arms over my chest,  “I see you’re still an asshole.”

He raised an eyebrow at me, “I see you’re still a princess.”

He remembered the nickname. I rolled my eyes as he smirked beside me, “great you remember how much I hated that nickname. Out of everything you could’ve remembered.”

“Oh I remember more than just the nickname you hated. I remember the loyalty you and my sister had. There were never a stronger pair of friends than you two. I remember torturing you and her all the time.”

“Yeah and I remember you getting sent off to boot camp or something because your mom couldn’t handle you. Wait is that why you’ve been wandering? You finished school?” He flashed me a rare smile, “I was sent away ten years ago. I finished school two years ago.”

"Wow you... Grew up," I couldn't stop staring at his handsome face. I couldn't believe this was the same kid who used to try and give us all wedgies.

"Yeah, so did you," I noticed the way he stared at me longer than he should've as he said the words. There was a smile trying to pull at his lips. 

I never thought Bellamy would grow into this. Not when I hated him all those years ago. The Bellamy who tortured me and protected his sister at all costs. I wondered what had happened to him, why he seemed more closed off than he had been before he left us. I kept staring, waiting to hear his story. But he wasn’t going to offer me any of it, I could tell.

“So Romeo didn’t turn out to be all he’s cracked up to be huh?” Bellamy’s voice broke through my internal banter.

I sighed, “Finn was never Romeo,” my voice was soft, “I thought he was. I thought I was in love with him. But there’s things that we can’t change. He made a promise to her before he ever met me. It’s not fair to ask him to break that because he wants to love us both.”

“He sounds like a selfish asshole,” he didn’t look at me, “but hey you could look at it this way. You aren’t his Juliet, you’re his Rosaline. Which means you survive the play while those two idiots off themselves.”

I laughed at that, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Maybe he was right, Finn wasn’t my Romeo which meant I would find another one. I looked over at this boy who had been the one person I hated growing up. Even when he was sent away I had held onto the grudge, hating him with everything inside of me. But sitting here, realizing who he was, I realized that time changes people. I was twenty two years old. This Bellamy wasn’t the same boy I grew up with.

“What happened to you?” I asked softly, watching as he closed his eyes.

“I grew up.”

Yeah he grew up, and he was more dangerous now than he had been before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke getting reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments. Thanks for the ones I got on the last chapter! I have an idea of where I'm going, but I just have to get there and I hope you all enjoy the journey with me and Bellarke =)

The bus was really full, and my stomach growled as we made our way down the highway.  Bellamy had been quiet for a little while now, I thought he had fallen asleep. He heard my stomach noises and looked at me with an amused expression, “princess is hungry.”

“I was too worried about getting on the bus before Finn found me that I forgot to eat,” I sighed and looked at the passing signs, “hopefully we stop at a gas station or something soon.”

“Well can you stop making noises? I’m trying to read,” I realized he was holding a book in his hands. I hadn’t seen him pull it out of his bag.

I yawned and put my hands against my stomach, “so what happened to you? Octavia didn’t talk a lot about where you went or how you were. She seemed sad though. She missed you.”

Bellamy closed his book and sighed. He was annoyed I could tell he just wanted to read his book, but I wanted to hear what he had been up to for the last few years, “yeah she tried to get them to let me stay. But they didn’t care, they were set on sending me off to that goddamn school.”

I raised an eyebrow, “boarding school?”  
He nodded and cleared his throat, “yeah. Boarding school first. I was there for two years until they kicked me out. After that it was boot camp. I was old enough so they sent me there to learn how to behave, seeing as I didn’t know how to. What they didn’t understand was that I wanted to go home. I wanted to be with my sister, but they didn’t listen.”

I felt horrible for hating him. I let out a slow breath, “what happened at boot camp?”

He closed his eyes, “I should’ve stayed at that boarding school. Boot camp was terrible, it was everything you can imagine and worse. There was no talking there was only yelling. There were no questions you did as you were told. Every morning they searched our bunks and every night they had to be spotless. It was hard,” his lip twitched and I could tell he was reliving something horrible, “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”

“I’m sorry Bellamy. I wasn’t your favorite person, but at least I never wanted them to send you away either.”

He shrugged, “I could handle everything that happened there, I’m pretty tough. The worst of it all was at night when I started to miss Octavia. She’s my sister, my responsibility. I didn’t know how she was doing, if she was okay. I was too far away. It killed me.”

I reached out and picked up his hand, before I could think about what I was doing. My heart was hammering as he looked at me, “she was okay. I took care of her for you.”

He smiled and we both thought about his sister. She wasn’t the most graceful person when it came to certain things. She put her whole heart into everything she did, and didn’t think before she jumped. We looked out for her so she didn’t end up getting into trouble, or worse getting her heart broken.

I met my best friend when I was a baby. We spent our naps in the same crib and ran around in the same sandbox when we got old enough to walk. Octavia was more my family than my mother was, she was the sister I never got to have. I loved her, and I understood how hard it was to leave her behind. I had done the same thing, except mine was by choice.

He cleared his throat, “so I told you my story, what happened in yours? I mean you left my sister behind too.”

I swallowed and let go of his hand, “I met Finn a little bit after my life fell apart. I finished my last semester before Med school, but I couldn’t push myself to go through with more schoolwork. My heart wasn’t in it anymore, and Finn fit what I was looking for. He was nice and funny, he was sweet and charming. He asked me to follow him down south where we could be together.”

He nodded his head slowly, “I never saw you as that girl,” his deep voice sent shivers down my spine, “I always thought you were independent and stronger than that.”

I blushed, knowing he was right. I never was that girl, I never followed the boy because I thought it was the only way. I sighed and then looked away from him, “yeah well that’s not why I followed. I needed out of that town, out of that life. So I went with him and then one day after a few months out there I went for a walk. I ran into a woman, who’s about six months pregnant. Then her husband comes up behind her and it’s Finn.”

Bellamy looked at surprised as I felt when I ran into Raven. Her stomach was swollen and sticking out over her legs. She was cute and bubbly even in her state. I took in a breath, forcing down the memory of the shocked feeling as I continued.

“Anyways, so yeah after that he tried to convince me to stay, that he loved me. He told me that it was possible to love two people at the same time. For a moment I believed him, I thought we could make it work.”

Bellamy's eyes went wide, "what? Wow what a jerk.” 

I shrugged, “I thought maybe he did love me. I thought maybe he would leave her and pick me. But I knew that wasn’t right, he was going to have a child, and he still loved her. I could see it when they were together. So I called your sister and bought myself a ticket back home.”

He ran a hand through his hair, “good for you. I think it’s takes courage to leave something that like behind,” he coughed and changed back into the guy I remembered, “you shouldn't have left. Octavia told me what happened, how hard it was for her without you.”

I felt bad for leaving the way I did, and I felt horrible because I never told her I was sorry. And yet the moment I called her crying yesterday, she told me she'd be waiting at the station. There was no hesitation, there wasn’t a single doubt in her mind. She told me she would always be here for me, and she was. I felt even worse remembering it all. I wiped away a tear and shook my head. 

"I know. I am a horrible friend. Your sister deserves better.”

Bellamy make a noise in agreement and then sighed, "she called me the night you left. So was in pieces and I was so mad at you. I wanted to find you and tell you what scum you were. I mean she was your best friend, how could you just leave? She was so upset, Clarke.”

My heart was pounding as I remembered the fight my mom and I had. I remembered my dads pictures staring at me, his ghost everywhere. I remembered the disappointment in her eyes when I told her I couldn't do it anymore, I didn't want to be in Med school. Not after we couldn't save him. 

Finn was my way out and I took it. I left with him because it's the only way I thought I could find myself. It was the only way I could deal with my loss.

"I didn't have a choice!" My voice broke as I got louder. I blushed as a few faces turned to look at me, "my dad, I couldn't stay.”

I couldn't finish my sentence, my heart broke as I looked away from him. Now there was another tear, even more pain. My heart couldn't handle anymore. We had been catching up on old times. Now he was attacking me. 

His gaze was intense when I finally looked back at him. He wasn't backing down, "well she still loves you. She tells me that you're still her best friend.”

I didn't smile, didn't feel better knowing that she still missed me, "yeah well I don't deserve it. I don't deserve her friendship, or anyone else for that matter. That's what it all fell apart, Finn, my mom and I. It fell apart because I don't deserve any of it.”

Bellamy sat up straighter and cleared his throat, "that's not true. You deserve to be happy.”

I laughed, "happy. I haven't been happy for a long time now.”

His voice was still hard, but his words were sweeter, "I'm glad you and Octavia are still okay. I'm glad you still have at least one friend.”

The sun had set a little while ago and I felt my eyelids getting heavy. I leaned up against the window. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was I had to work with. I sighed, shivering as the bus sped down the highway back towards home. Back towards all the ghosts I had left behind, all the things I had been running from where waiting for me on the other side of the state line.

I was almost asleep when I felt someone draped what felt like a blanket over me. I opened my eye and saw a jacket laying over my arms, and Bellamy was sitting back down. He was wearing a black short sleeve shirt, that clung to his muscles. How had I never seen how beautiful he was before now? 

Probably because I hadn’t seen him in almost ten years. I closed my eyes before he knew I was awake, smiling slightly as I moved underneath the jacket and got a little more comfortable. I took in a deep breath, it smelled like him. It was warm like him. For some reason this gesture was more intimate than anything anyone else had ever done for me.

I drifted off to sleep beneath Bellamy’s jacket, wondering what it would feel like if it were his arms instead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More catching up. Then Clarke gets an unexpected phone call and their trip is delayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay the story is moving along! after this chapter there's some fun in store =)  
> stick with me I promise you'll love the ending. I still don't know how many chapters it'll take to get there.  
> I'm having too much fun writing this!

I woke up to a horn honking, my head slamming against the glass as the bus came to a stop. I opened my eyes, holding my hand against my forehead as I looked around. Everyone was in various stages of waking up, except Bellamy. He was wide awake.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked sighing as I looked down at the jacket covering me.

He sighed, “we’re stopping for breakfast. Which is good because your stomach has been making noises since you feel asleep.”

I blushed as I put my arms through the sleeve of his jacket, “don’t think you’re getting this back anytime soon. I’m freezing.”

He flashed me a crooked smile, “once a princess, always a princess.”

I rolled my eyes as the driver stood up, “you’ve got fifteen minutes to get whatever you want, use the bathroom whatever. Fifteen minutes, people. If you aren’t on that’s not my problem. We’ve got a schedule to make, so use your time wisely.”

He walked off the bus and left us all sitting there. Bellamy stood up and I followed him down the aisle towards the doors. I was starving, and needed something to drink. My mouth was dry. The sun was warm as we walked into the little station and then parted ways. I smiled as I pulled on the sleeves of his jacket and wondered why he had been so nice to me when I was sleeping.

I had enough snacks to keep me from going hungry for the rest of the trip. I was waiting in line when Bellamy came up behind me. He laughed, “you know for such a tiny girl you can put it away like a trucker.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m not going to eat this all this morning.”

He was smirking at me as I walked up and put my stuff down. The guy behind the counter kept looking me up and down, biting down on his lip. I looked away, uncomfortable as he put my things in a bag, “that’ll be twenty dollars.”

I reached into my pocket, pulling out my wallet. My heart stopped when I saw it was empty. There had been money in there yesterday, before the station. My face fell, I couldn't pay for my food. I felt the blush creep up on my cheeks, “I’m sorry. I uh, I don’t have the money.”

Bellamy stepped up, “add this on,” he handed them his soda and pack of donuts and then handed the cashier his money. I closed my eyes, more than embarrassed as I took the bag from him.

“I’ll pay you back,” I sighed as we walked out into the sun again, “I had money. I swear to god I had money yesterday.”

He shrugged, “it’s fine. Now I can just make sure you share all those snacks with me.”

He nudged my shoulder and I saw that playful smile in his eyes. I shook my head, moving my legs around. My phone started buzzing, “hey can you hold this? I think it might be my mom.”

He took the bag and I walked away from the bus. I pulled my phone out and answered before I looked at who it was. I had a feeling my mom would call when Octavia told her I was coming home, “hello?”

“Clarke.”

His voice sent chills down my spine. I closed my eyes and leaned up against the building. I took in a breath, “stop calling me Finn.”

He sighed, “I love you. I still love you and I just. I should’ve made that clear. I don’t want you to leave this way, I don’t want you to be hurting.”

I laughed, “I’m not hurting because you chose your wife and unborn child over me. It was my choice to leave, I don’t want to be the reason why you don’t get to raise your baby. I’m hurting because I gave up my life, even if I had no idea where it was going, to follow you down here. I gave up who I was, because I thought you were my escape from the pain. You just forgot to mention that life you wanted to make with me included a wife.”

He was silent and I took that as the closure I needed. I hung up the phone and closed my eyes, pushing my hair out of my face. I took in a breath feeling better than I had before I left the station yesterday. I rolled my shoulders, and then heard the bus start up. I picked up my pace before he closed he left without me.

“Want to talk about it?” Bellamy asked as he stood up and let me back into my seat.

I shook my head, “no.”

He didn’t push me, he didn’t ask anything else. I just pulled out the candy I had bought and tore open the bag. Even thought I told Finn I wasn’t hurting because of him, I knew that I was. I could lie to everyone else and they believed me. But I couldn’t lie to myself. I was hurting because I was in love with Finn Collins and I didn’t know how to change that.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, that stretched into an hour. Bellamy pulled his book out at some point and then I looked out the window. I was so upset that I answered his call, I was angry with myself that I talked to him. I balled my hands into fists, trying to stop the anger I was feeling, it was too hard.

“Still don’t want to talk about it?”

I sighed and looked over at him. He was staring at me, his book was closed. I wondered how long he had been watching me, “it wasn't my mom.”

He nodded, “yeah I got that much. What did he say?”

I sighed and told him what had happened, what Finn had said. He didn’t say anything right away, he just kept staring ahead of me, like Finn would suddenly appear and he could choke him. I could tell he was upset, but I wasn’t sure if he was upset for me or if he just thought of what he would do for his sister in this situation. I knew he would protect her no matter what, that’s how they’ve always been.

“You know what I would tell Octavia? I would tell her to forget him. Erase him from her life. Get a new phone number if that’s what it takes. Make a brand new life, without him in it. Somewhere down the road you’ll look back and wonder why he ever mattered.”

I gave him a small smile, “you’d be pretty proud of your sister. She told me something like that when I called her. I’m going to do that once I get home. Burn all his pictures, the things we shared. I can’t get a new number until I talk to my mom. I can’t talk to my mom until I know I won’t fall apart.”

He sighed, “I’m sure your mom is happy you’re coming home,” I winced and he could see right through mine, “I take it you didn’t tell her you were on your way huh?”

I shook my head slowly, “after everything that happened, I haven’t talked to her. I just sort of left, the way I did with your sister. At least when I called Octavia a few days later she answered me. She told me she understood, even though I knew she didn’t. She told me that she forgave me, because she knew that’s what I needed. My mom hung up on me.”

Bellamy sighed and I could feel him rearranging himself in his seat as I remembered the anger in my mom’s voice when she heard I wasn’t going back to school. I could just imagine the look on her face, smug as could be, when I came back home empty handed without Finn. She told me he wouldn’t be the boy I ended up with, she told me I was supposed to be with someone like Graham or Wells. They both had bright futures. I refused to settle, and I escaped before she could make me.

I wiped away a tear and looked over at this boy I had more in common with than I thought. I wondered what she would think if I came home with him. Would she be even madder than she had when she found out I was seeing Finn? She hadn't always been so involved in my love life, not until my father died. I think she needed something to fill her time once he was gone, and one of those things was trying to marry me off.

A smile came to my lips as I thought of bringing Bellamy home. She never liked him, not when we were little and I complained about his torture. She never said the words out loud, but whenever he would follow Octavia and I back to our pool, she was reluctant to have him at our home. She was kind though, because his mom had been her best friend.  
I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and tried to think of something else. I wanted to stop talking about me and my problems. My phone call with Finn was the last nail in our coffin. I was done, I couldn’t have him. So I wouldn’t love him anymore it was that simple. We weren’t meant to be together, and there was no way to change the hands of fate.

I was here on this bus with Bellamy, the boy I hadn’t seen since I was twelve. It was strange, the way he had taken the seat beside me before we realized who the other was. Then again there was something to be said about fate. When one door closes, another opens right? Or maybe this was my window, the window I could look at and see the greener grass I was heading towards.

I cleared my throat and broke the silence that had settled around us.

"So did boot camp turn you into a solider?" I wanted to take the attention off of me and my terrible love life. I wanted to think about something else, anything else.

He sighed, “I guess you could say that. Boot camp wasn’t ever what I thought it would be. After I finished, I did my tour. I went over seas for my required time. When I got back last year I realized I needed to see the world. Now I think it's time for home.”

I noticed his dog tags after he mentioned his time. I looked at him, this grown up Bellamy was so different from the gap toothed brother who dared me to climb a tree, then laughed when I fell back down and broke my arm.

"It won't be the same," my voice was soft, "going home you think you'll find the life you left. But you won't, because it's never the same as you left it. Even if you left it in pieces. There'll be more pieces for you to pick up.”

Tears filled my eyes as I thought about my father, and the fact that I hadn't told my mom where I was going. I just picked up and left, no goodbye, no explanation. I shook my head, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was hoping that if the pain was this bad, I would bear it so she didn't have to.

"You seem pretty together to me," his voice stayed low, our conversation was the only one happening on the bus. No one else seemed to find comfort in the person they were beside. Not the way I found comfort in Bellamy.

I shrugged, "when I decided to leave Finn I found a few pieces he broke. I put myself back together, but the pieces just didn't fit the same way had did before.”

"Finn is the stupidest man alive," his voice was soft as he handed me a pack of skittles and took one for himself.

I couldn't help but laugh, "yeah. Well you think that and you haven't even met him.”

He watched me rip open the package, "no. But he let you go. There is no explanation that will ever make me see why he would do that.”

I blushed, looking away from his eyes. My heart fluttered, and I remembered the little crush I held for this boy. He was charming when he wanted to be. It almost made up for all those stupid dares he made me and Octavia do. 

"Life goes on," I whispered looking towards the window, "it has to. Time doesn't stop for any loss, not even death.”

Bellamy's hand covered mine, "I'm sorry about your dad. I know you two were close.”

I pushed the tears back down, "yeah. We were. It's still surreal that he's gone. It feels like a lifetime ago that he told me he would be right back, kissing my cheek and went for a run. He never knew he wouldn't come home. That a drunk driver would run away from the accident, leaving him all alone to die.”

Bellamy's fingers squeezed mine, "at least you got to say goodbye.”

I nodded, "yeah. Can we uh, talk about something else?”

He gave me that smile and opened his mouth to say something. Just as he did there was a loud popping noise, and suddenly the bus slowed down. I looked out the window and smoke filled my view. The driver cursed, spinning the wheel towards the side of the road.

The bus would break down a day before we are due home. My life couldn't get any worse if I tried to screw myself over. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're put in a motel for the night since the bus is broken down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter. I'm having so much fun writing this story, I just love Bellarke =)

The first thing that crossed my mind as we sat there was that it wasn't raining outside. It had been raining since we left the station, and yet as we sat on the side of the road the sun was shining brightly down on the pavement. Once the driver got everyone settled down he radioed for help. Then we were told to get ready to walk. We both sighed, annoyed at the delay, as we filed into a line and got off the bus. 

I bit my lip, waiting near the back of the crowd for my bag. Bellamy stayed beside me.

He coughed, “let me take your bag for you,” Bellamy held his hand out waiting for me to hand him my duffel bag. For some reason his niceness was making me mad.

I looked at him hard, “I am perfectly capable of carrying it myself thank you.”

I'm not unable to fend for myself, as hard as that is to believe. I didn't need Finn to help me escape, I didn't need Bellamy to carry my bags. I didn't need anyone I was perfectly find trying to pick up my own pieces. I threw the strap over my shoulder as he grabbed his bag.

"Sorry for being a gentleman," he shot me a look and grabbed his own bag.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed at everything except him. But he was here in front of me, so I was taking it out on him. I was angry Finn called me, angry that I told him the truth. I was worried about going home, about Octavia telling my mom. I just didn't want to deal with any of that right now.

"You? A gentleman?" My voice dripped with sarcasm. I couldn't pretend to be friends anymore, not right now. I was hungry and tired and annoyed. I wanted a shower.

For the first time since it all happened, I wanted to be home.

Bellamy stared at me as we started to walk behind the rest of them, "who peed in your Cheerios?”

I glared at him, "I'm not as helpless as everyone thinks okay?”

He mumbled something I couldn’t hear and then faced forward, away from me. I knew I should apologize, but for some reason I couldn’t let the words fall from my mouth. I was annoyed that the bus was going to be late now getting to the station. We had no idea when they would send us a replacement bus, we had no idea how long we would be staying in this motel they were putting us in.

I was so close to home, so close to Octavia and the new life I wanted to start. And yet it all seemed so far out of my reach.

My stomach grumbled, “you’re seriously hungry? After all that junk food you ate on the bus?”

Bellamy looked amazed, but sounded angry, “I’m a growing girl,” I pushed my blonde hair over my shoulder, making him laugh again. I liked the sound of his laugh. I liked that I could make him laugh without really trying. 

What was I doing here in the middle of nowhere with my best friend’s brother? I felt more confused than I had before I left home to follow Finn. I closed my eyes, feeling a surge of deja vu. Once upon a time I thought I would escape that town with someone, in those fantasies it was usually Bellamy that turned into this sweet boy who charmed me into running away with me. Of course that’s all it was, a fantasy.

“When we were sixteen and you didn’t call Octavia for her birthday she got angry,” I opened my eyes and saw Bellamy go stiff as I started talking, “she got so angry she came to my house and we raided my parents liquor cabinet. We got wasted for the first time together, celebrating her and me and everything we could think of. God it feels like it was so long ago.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

I shrugged, “we were so drunk and I had to cut your sister off after a while. After I put the bottles back, Octavia decided she wanted to find you. She pulled out these papers she had found that belonged to your mom. She said that you were somewhere out there and you were hurting and she just wanted you to come home. We made this big plan to break you out,” I saw him smile as I sighed, “then we woke up and realized we were two sixteen year olds who had no say in where or why you were sent away.”

“At least you were still thinking about me,” his voice sounded far away, like he was caught up in his own memories, “I mean after a few years I thought you all forgot about me. No one but Octavia wrote me, my mom didn’t even call me when she said she would. It was hard.”

I reached over and put my hand on his forearm, “for what it’s worth, I never forgot you.”

He flashed me a small smile and then we both got caught up in our own minds, our own separate memories. I looked out into the distance. Bellamy might have been a pain, he might have been the biggest pain I ever met, but he had always been fiercely loyal and protective of his sister.

Octavia had always been the same way about her brother. I wondered what that would’ve been like, to have a sibling that I could call in any moment, one like this. I wondered if that’s what Bellamy saw me as, another annoying little sister he had to torture.

“I wish I had an older brother like you,” my voice was quiet and I wasn’t sure if he heard me.

He shrugged, “not all of them are as awesome as me,” I laughed as he nudged my shoulder.

The motel wasn’t as far off as I thought it would be. I could see it off in the distance as Bellamy kept pace with me. I was walking a little slower than the rest of the group, I didn’t want to keep up with them. I was caught up in my head, trying not to think about all the hell my mom would give me the moment I stepped back into that house.

I knew he was right, not all siblings were like him and Octavia. I loved their relationship, I was jealous of their relationship. That’s when the crush started. Because if I couldn’t have him as a brother, well then maybe he would want to be more. Maybe he would protect me as fiercely as he did if he loved me as much as he loved his sister. 

“A penny for your thoughts princess,” Bellamy’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I jumped at his deep voice.

I sighed, “too much for just one penny.”

He laughed and nodded his head, I guess we were over our little fight, “sorry that’s all I’ve got.”

I smiled at him and shook my head, “I’m fine. You don’t have to do this, pretend we’re friends because we both know Octavia. You can walk faster with the group and leave me here to fend for myself when all the good rooms are taken. It’s not like you owe me anything.”

He raised an eyebrow at me and shrugged, “who says I’m walking slow for you? I might like this pace,” he was clearly struggling to keep going this slow, “plus I thought we were friends now that I’ve grown up.”

I shook my head as we got to the motel and everyone was already going towards their rooms. The lady behind the desk was smiling as she saw us come in, “you must be the last of the passengers. They said there were about thirty of you.”

I nodded my head, “yes thank you. I’ll take whatever room you have left.”

She looked from me to Bellamy and back again, “we have one room left, so you’ll have to share. But you two make such a beautiful couple.”

I frowned when she said there was one room left. Bellamy laughed beside me, as she turned the book around for us to sigh, “oh we aren’t a couple,” I said quickly.

I signed my name and Bellamy grunted beside me as I handed him the pen. I turned away from the woman as she started to talk to him and looked around at the motel. It was pretty nice, especially since it was free. I held onto my duffel bag by my fingers, trying to figure out what my next move would be. I knew going home would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be this hard the closer we got.

I knew I should call my mom and prepare for whatever it was she would say or do. But I didn’t want to do that just yet, maybe once we’re back on the bus I would call her. Then at least I could pretend to lose the signal.

Thankfully Finn hadn’t tried to call me again, which made me feel better and worse all at once. I mean I was hurt that he didn’t want to try and fight for me harder, but I was glad he wasn’t trying to convince me to come back. Because I didn’t want to go back, I couldn’t go back. It wasn’t fair to Raven, and it wasn’t fair to me. We both deserved better than that scumbag.

I was standing there staring out the window when someone came up beside me. I thought it was Bellamy so I didn’t look over, “don’t think we’ll be having pillow fights and braiding each other’s hair tonight.”

The voice beside me wasn’t as deep as he laughed, “sweetheart that’s not what I had in mind for us.”

My eyes were wide as I looked over to find someone who wasn’t Bellamy standing there. He had big blue eyes and blonde hair. It was short, and he was handsome. But I didn’t really take that into consideration as I took a step away from his smile. I was done with guys and their stupid smiles.

“Sorry I thought you were uh my friend,” I almost choked on the word. It was weird to think of the word Friend and Bellamy in the same sentence. I took in a deep breath, watching as he sized me up. He was looking me up and down like he was determining whether or not I was worth it.

“I can be whoever you want me to be sweetheart,” his voice made my skin crawl. I shivered as I stepped backwards and hit a hard body behind me. 

Bellamy gave the guy a look, smirking as he threw an arm around my shoulder, “there you are. I got the key to the room, so we’re go check it out.”

I wanted to shake his arm off, but I watched this creepy guy realize I wasn’t interested as Bellamy stood there with me. He huffed, turning on his heel and walking away fast. It was amusing to see someone afraid of Bellamy. I turned to look at him, pushing his arm off my shoulders.

“I didn’t need your help,” I said crossing my arms in front of my chest and then stepping away from him, “don’t think that this means we’ll cuddle and pillow fight. We will sleep and get back on the bus.”

He shrugged, “looks like you needed my help. So you’re welcome,” his eyes sparkled as he turned away and didn’t say anything else about what I said. I rolled my eyes, following him down the hallway towards what I assumed was our room. I had a feeling this was going to end up being an interesting night.

 

\----

 

I was hot and sweaty from walking all the way to the motel. My arms were sagging under the weight of my duffel bag. I threw I down in the corner as I heard Bellamy laugh. I looked up to find what he was staring at. There was a lump in my throat as my heart stopped.

There was a single bed in the middle of the room.

”Well I guess we know why she apologized to us for getting the last room," Bellamy's voice did nothing to calm my racing heart. 

I looked over at him. Ever since I remembered the crush (tiny, tiny crush) I used to have on him, I was nervous to be here in this room. Because he has grown up. Sure he was still an overbearing asshole. But now it was more endearing than before. I looked at him, still staring at the bed, and sighed.

"Yeah," I finally answered, "I uh. I'm going to change.”

I grabbed some clothes out of my bag and went into the bathroom. I didn't plan on getting a shower, but I ran some cold water to cool myself down with. It was hot and muggy outside. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could do this, I could be stuck with Bellamy and not go crazy.

I heard him talking to someone on the other side of the door. I assumed he was on the phone. I closed my eyes as I shut the water off and dried myself off. 

"Yeah. I'll be home a little later. We got stuck, the bus broke down. Yeah I know it sucks. Nope just me, they put us up in a motel," his deep voice was comforting as I ran my fingers through my frizzy curls. The sweat was all gone.

But the nerves weren't. I pulled on a tank top and a pair of cut offs, and then walked back out into the room. His phone call must have been over because he was sitting there on the bed staring at the wall. I threw my dirty clothing into my bag and sighed.

I looked to the door, thinking about getting some food. When I turned my attention back to the bed, Bellamy was standing right in front of me. My heart almost jumped out of my chest. He was staring down at me, he was a good foot taller than I am. His eyes were dark and there was a smile at the corner of his mouth.

"What are you--" he cut me off. Before I could finish my sentence his hands were on my hips and his mouth was pressed against mine. 

I felt my fingers uncurl and find their way to his face. I felt my body respond to his, my heart racing as he held me tightly against his. Kissing him felt like coming home. It was fast and passionate, everything different from kissing Finn. I grabbed at his shirt, feeling the need to touch his skin. 

His body responded to my touch the same way mine had responded to his. He let out a small groan as I ran my hands up his hard stomach. I smiled, our mouths still pressed together. His hands were still on my hips, he didn't move them. He was a true gentleman.

His big hands kept me standing, my knees suddenly weak, as he pulled away. His eyes were light as he looked at me, "I uh. I wanted to do that for the last ten years.”

My eyes went wide. I was I twelve when he left. I shook my head, "no. You're lying.”

He shrugged, "believe what you will. I wasn't just torturing you for fun," his voice was ragged from our kiss. His hands were still holding me and I felt a pull at my heart. This wasn't what I should be doing. I should've been on my side of the room, far away from him. After what happened with Finn I shouldn't be thinking about another relationship.

Then again this could just be one night we spend together. Tomorrow in the morning, we could get on the bus and remember who we really were. I looked at him, I felt safe in his strong arms. My heart was pounding as I closed the distance between us. 

I surprised him with my attack kiss. I couldn't help but laugh as he wrapped his arms around my body, and then we moved towards the bed. The back of my legs hit the frame and I almost fell down onto it. Until Bellamy gently laid me down, his hand running down the front of my body. He broke the kiss, pulling away to pull his shirt off.

I gasped as I saw his beautiful body staring down at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I ran the tips of my fingers down his skin and felt him shiver under my touch. I bit down on my lip and this time he gasped.

"Bellamy," my voice was breathless.

He raised an eyebrow as he lowered himself down, his hands at the hem of my shirt, "yes princess?”

I couldn't help but smile as he kissed me again. My body was on fire every single place he touched. I took in a breath as he attached his mouth to my collar bone, “help me forget about it all.”

He stopped kissing me and pulled back. His eyes were surprised as I pushed his hand away and pulled my own shirt off. He licked his lips as he looked at my chest. I ran my hand through my hair again, pulling his body towards mine. I felt him between us. I knew he wanted this as much as I did. I gasped as he pressed into me. The only thing keeping us apart was the last pieces of clothing we were still wearing.

"You're sure?" He whispered as I kissed his shoulder, reaching down for his pants. I undid his button, my eyes never leaving his as I nodded my head.

I pushed my hand beneath the waist of his jeans and heard him moan, "please erase Finn from my memory.”

"I can do that," he said pulling his pants down as I kept touching him. He looked like it was taking every last ounce of control for him to stay together. He pulled my hand away, smiling as he undid the button on my shorts.

I sucked in my lip, biting down as his hand pushed them off. I felt his long fingers on the edge of my underwear, our eyes connected. He didn't move, he was waiting for permission. I nodded my head, and then they were gone.

"Bell," I couldn't help but moan as he pressed his hand into me. My eyes were wide, my back arched as I pulled at a fistful of sheets. I gasped again, hearing his deep laugh as he moved his finger in and out. I closed my eyes, trying to stay quiet by biting my lip.

He kept playing with me, and then his mouth covered mine as he pulled his hand away. I opened my eyes, disappointed as I felt him position himself. Once he was ready, he stayed hovering over me. Again he wanted to know I was ready. 

I nodded and we both let out groans of pleasure as his body connected with mine. My mouth stayed open as he moved against me. My hands found their way to his shoulders and I dug my nails into his skin. He laughed, pushing harder every time I gasped loudly. 

"Wow," his voice made me open my eyes, “Clarke."

I smiled as I moved with him, and then when he was lost in his pleasure I turned us over. I straddled his lap, smiling as I went deeper, his moans getting louder. He ran his hands up the sides of my body, as I sat up straighter and twisted my hips against him. 

This was better than I ever imagined it could be. I could feel that build up in my stomach, I could feel him turning me on more than anyone else ever had.

"Clarke," his voice was full of air and I knew we were both getting close. Bellamy flipped us over again, "hold on.”

I opened my mouth to tell him I wasn't sure I could. But he pushed his against mine, lacing our fingers together as he brought them up above my head. I squeezed his fingers, squirming under him. I was ready to fall apart. I sucked on his lip, and he moaned against mine.

"I can't," I pulled away from his mouth, my eyes starting to roll backwards. My breathing as uneven and I couldn't see straight, "Bell, I can't." 

He smiled, pushed harder against mine as I cried out. I let go just at the moment I felt him fall apart with me. My heart started to slow dow, our bodies still tangled together as we found our relief. Bellamy stayed on top of me for a moment longer and then laid down beside me.

Somehow I ended up grabbing his shirt instead of mine. I pulled it on as he laid beside me, the covers pulled up over his waist. I looked at him, and we were both smiling. I didn't even have to say anything. He opened his arm, pulling me into his body. I curled up beside him, my head on his chest. I felt the tips of his fingers run lightly over my back. I smiled, laying there in his arms was a hell of a lot better than wearing his jacket.

I wasn't sure what would happen after tonight, but I knew one thing for sure. I never felt this way about anyone, not even Finn. Which scared me more than anything. I thought I had been in love with Finn, but maybe he was just a bump in the road I was taking to find my way back home. 

Bellamy and I had history. We were supposed to end up on this cursed bus together. We were supposed to be here in this room together. I knew it the moment he touched me. Which meant tomorrow, when we both realized how awkward this was in the sunlight, my heart would be broken all over again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news is I'm very close to finishing this awesome story!  
> I really really really love the comments, thanks so much for reading this!  
> I hope you enjoy the next few chapters =)

I was groggy, still half asleep, when I heard the first cry. Then something hard hit my shin. I grunted as I moved my leg up and held onto it as the bruise formed. Still half asleep I wasn’t sure where I was, or what was happening. I didn’t remember falling asleep beside anyone. I yelped when a cold foot hit my other leg, and then opened my eyes. Bellamy was talking, not loudly but he was muttering in his sleep. 

His eyes were closed tight, his hand reaching for something, "Jasper!" His voice was filled with pain, “no!"

"Bell," I shook his shoulder but the opposite of what I wanted to happen, happened. He didn’t wake up, he didn't open his eyes. Instead he sat up and grabbed my throat with one hand pinning me down in the bed. He took me by surprise, but I knew that something was wrong. I tried to push his arms away from me but he was stronger.

"Stop! Bellamy!" My voice was strangled as I tried to fight him, but he tightened his grip.

I struggled for a breath and then waited a moment, losing more air. Then I placed my hand on his arm and stopped fighting. I just laid there, letting him hold my throat in his big lethal hands. My heart was pounding, but it worked. He loosened his grip, and slowly his eyes opened. 

"Clarke?" His voice was filled with sleep and it was lower than normal. He looked down at me, tears filling his eyes as he realized what had happened. I could see him waking up, I could see him understanding why we were in this position. His hands fell off my neck in an instant, going towards his head.

He ran his hands through his hair as I fought off the tears and looked at him, "what happened? What's wrong?”

He shook his head, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would happen. Here, with you, I just thought — I'm so sorry.”

I knew this was as vulnerable as he would get. I didn't say anything, I pulled him into my chest and held him as the tears came. He didn't fight them, he didn't seem embarrassed to cry in front of me. He held onto me like I was his lifeline. 

"Shh," I whispered running my fingers through his hair, "it's okay.”

I kept running my hands through his hair. His tears soaking into his shirt. I took in a breath watching this change happen. One moment he was strong and careful, his hands making me melt as he touched me. And the next he was a weapon used to destroy the enemy. Now he was falling apart. 

My heart hurt more for him than it did for me at that moment. I pressed my lips into his forehead, feeling his arms tighten around me. I laid my head in his chest as his sobs got softer, quieter. 

Laying there beside him I realized I wasn't the only one running from something. I wasn't the only one with ghosts, but I was lucky. Mine weren't following me the way his were. Mine weren't as painful as his seemed to be. Maybe he wouldn't tell me what happened, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try and help ease his pain.

He didn't know it, but he had eased mine. It was only right I repay the favor. 

 

\---

 

The sun was shining through the curtains as I rolled over. Except I didn't roll, and my pillow was a lot firmer than I remembered it. Slowly the pieces unfolded, I remembered where I was. I remembered who I was with. Heat filled my cheeks as I opened my eyes, my head still resting on Bellamy's shirtless chest. He was awake, sitting up and running his fingers through my hair. 

"Good morning princess," he whispered as I looked up at him. He was smiling, which seemed rare since we started this trip. Given what had happened last night, I was surprised he was in a good mood this morning.

I rubbed my eyes, "morning," I said yawning and stretching my arms, "so last night.”

I was still in his shirt. I blushed again as he ran his fingers down my arms, "was pretty amazing," he finished my sentence, still staring down at me. 

I smiled and looked away. I sat up, letting my blonde hair fall in my face to keep him from seeing me blush even more. Bellamy pushed my hair over my shoulder, and I looked at him again. He was still smiling as he leaned in and kissed me. His lips were soft, his gaze was soft. This wasn't the boy I had been fighting with less than twenty four hours ago. 

My stomach growled, ruining our moment, "I shall get my princess some breakfast. Don't move," he cleared his throat and kept staring at me, "you look so much better in my shirt than I do.”

I shook my head as he pulled on his sweat pants and then found another shirt to wear. He left me there in bed, still replaying the events of last night. I had no idea what to think, what to feel. I thought I strongly disliked Bellamy. He had done nothing but torture me since I was a kid. Now I was pretty sure I was falling for him.

Or I thought I was. Because I was still trying to pick up the pieces after they fell apart because of Finn and his wife. A tear fell down my cheek as I looked at my phone. Octavia asked me how long it would be until I was home. I felt terrible for not answering her. I should tell her about her brother. But I didn't know how, I didn't know what I was to him. 

I couldn't think straight. All I could think about was the way Bellamy had held me, the trail of kisses he left down my stomach as he touched me. I shivered, smiling as I touched my lips. This wasn't going to end well, but I might as well enjoy it. 

I sat there the entire time he was gone, trying to plan out what would happen between us. My life had spiraled out of control because I stopped planning. I hadn’t planned to drop out of school, I didn’t plan on following Finn. Now that I was going home, I was supposed to plan what I would do.

I didn’t want to keep planning. This, whatever it was with Bellamy, it was where I wanted to be. Where I wanted to stay.

I smiled at him as he walked back into the room carrying two big plates full of food. My stomach flipped in agreement as he set the first one in front of me. It was pretty much filled with bacon, and only bacon. I laughed, remembering the time I hate the entire package in front of him and Octavia just to make them laugh.

And then I threw half of it back up an hour later.

“Wow you remembered that beautiful moment, when I puked bacon all over your kitchen,” he smiled, wiggling his eyebrows at me as I picked up a piece, “what a true and beautiful soul you are.”

He laughed, which was starting to become my favorite sound in the entire world. Last night when we were tangled up together, he laughed when I couldn’t get my shirt over my head. He laughed when we bumped into each other, our noses touching, our bodies out of sync for a moment. His laughter had eased my nerves. 

His laughter had made me feel like I had finally found home again.

We both sat there on the bed in silence, eating our breakfast. I looked over at him, his hair was sticking up every which way, his eyes were light, but he looked sad. I wanted to know what had happened last night. I knew if he turned down my question I couldn’t push him. But the only way to try and help him was to ask the question. I took in a deep breath and kept staring at him, waiting for what I thought was the right moment to bring it up.

My heart was pounding as I chewed on a piece of bacon, "so do you remember what happened last night? Do you want to talk about it?”

At first I could tell he was remembering us, the tangled sheets, our bodies pressed together. Then slowly I could see him remembering the nightmares, choking me.

He shook his head, his hair moving with him, “no."

I respected that. I nodded my head, "okay. Well I'm here to listen if you change your mind.”

He looked at me, and I could tell he was thinking about it. There were dark circles under his eyes, and I knew he hadn't gone back to sleep last night. He looked more tired than he had been last night before we helped each other relieve some tension. I reached up without thinking and ran my finger over them.

"You didn't go back to sleep," my voice was small. 

He forced a smile, "no. No I’ve learned that when the nightmares come it’s best to stay awake so they don't come back.”

I bit my lip and kept staring at him, "you might not know it, but I really like your company.”

He smiled slightly, "yeah you aren't so bad yourself," he reached over and moved the covers so he could see my leg, "are you okay? I really am sorry for kicking you.”

I nodded, "I'm fine. I've been through worse," I kept my voice quiet and then sat up on my knees. I pushed my plate to the side and took a chance. I reached for his face and kissed his lips softly. He surprised me by wrapped his arms around my waist and pulling me as close as he could.

When he pulled away there were tears in his eyes. He let out a slow breath, keeping his arms tightly around me "I couldn't save him. I watched him die.”

I wiped away his tear, "I know we don't think it'll help to talk about it, but it will," I squeezed his hand as we sat back down side by side.

"He was the first friend I made in boot camp. We had each other's backs. Jasper was so full of a life I never thought I had. He carried himself with confidence and he knew that was where he wanted to be. He made me laugh, even when there was nothing to laugh about. He was my best friend," he was in pain. I picked up his hand and held it in mine, "I didn't have his back. He walked out into that clearing alone, but I went a different way.”

I didn't know how to help him. But I knew I had to try, "Bellamy he doesn't blame you. He can't blame you because you were doing your jobs. It's war, there's always casualties.”

He shook his head, "but he was my responsibility. I owed him my life, he made boot camp bearable.”

I put my hand on his cheek and pulled his face to look at mine. I kissed him softly and then tried to get through to him, "Bellamy, you can't let his ghost change you. Carry him with you, let him remind you to do better. But don't let it break you.”

He sighed, "like you haven't let your dads ghost break you?”

I bit my lip hard as I looked away from him. I knew he was right, but I wouldn't let his words hurt me. I nodded, "maybe we can both leave them here. Start over, let them go and move on.”

He smiled at me, and I could tell it was real. It was small, but it was real, "I'll try if you do.”

I smiled as he kissed the back of my hand and nodded, "okay. So tell me about traveling the world.”

"That was always Jasper’s dream. He used to tell me all these random facts about different places. He wanted to go everywhere at least once. When I lost him I thought it would help me. I thought maybe I’d feel more at peace doing the one thing he wanted to do most in the world. So I did it for him. I saw all these amazing places and sights that you’re supposed to see in this world before you die. And I realized just how small I was compared to everything around me. It was amazing, but I missed home. I missed Octavia," he looked at me shyly, "and you.”

I laughed, "you didn't miss me. You hated me.”

He shrugged, "there's a fine line between love and hate.”

I raised an eyebrow at him and wondered how we had gotten here to this place. I didn't get a chance to say anything. Bellamy poked my sides and I squealed, he remembered my biggest weakness. I was too ticklish for my own good.

"I guess some things never change huh?" He asked with a big smile as he kept tickling me.

I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. Bellamy laughed along with me and it seemed like his mood had changed. He stopped ticking me as tears rolled down my cheek from laughing. I smiled up at him, somehow we had ended up laying on the bed together. He was hovering over me, and my heart was pounding in my chest.

I wanted him to kiss me again. Even if we were just living in our own bubble, I wanted to feel his skin on mine. I was still wearing his shirt, a detail I could tell he noticed. His eyes swept over me with desire, and he leaned in. Just as his mouth met mine, my phone let out a loud chirping noise.

"I should answer that," I was still staring at him. He didn't make a move to let me out from under him. God he was so handsome, I couldn't think straight with him on top of me like this. I just wanted this moment to be it. I wanted to live in it forever.

He nodded his head slowly, regaining his composure, “yeah."

I didn't look at the screen I just slid the lock and tried not to sound as out of breath as I felt, “hello?"

"Clarkie! Are you almost home? I can't wait to see you, I’ve got so much to tell you. Yo’ve missed a lot these past few months,” I smiled as Octavia's voice filled my ear. 

"Yeah. I'm on my way. I miss you too," I looked at Bellamy as he rolled his eyes, "I can call you when we're close and you can meet me at the station?”

She was too excited, "perfect. My brother is coming home soon, but he called yesterday telling me about a delayed bus because it broke down or something. Hopefully you get in at the same time so I can pick you both up.”

I smiled at Bellamy, wondering what she would say if I told her I was here with him, wearing his shirt. I wondered if she knew how much he had grown up, "yeah that would be perfect. Hey did you uh, happen to tell my mom I was coming back?”

There was a hesitation in her voice, "she was at the grocery store and cornered me," she didn't deny it. I couldn't be mad at her, she was a sucker for concerned parents, "she looked upset she didn't know. She's still hurting after losing your dad and then in a different way losing you. I'm sorry.”

"It's okay," I closed my eyes, wondering why she hadn't called me yet, "it's fine I just wanted to be prepared. Thanks Octavia. I'll call you later.”

She sighed, "yeah I should check up on my brother. He's pretty needy now that he's coming home. Maybe you two will get along now.”

I smiled as his eyes met mine, “maybe."

We said our goodbyes and Bellamy came towards me again. I put my hand against his face, smiling as he looked at me confused, "just wait for it.”

A moment later his phone rang. He groaned, looking at the screen and seeing his sisters name pop up. He shook his head and pulled himself off the bed and walked towards the door.

I was slightly disappointed that he left the room once he answered Octavia's phone call. I hadn't moved when she was on the line, what did he have to hide that he didn't want me to hear? I sighed, picking at a string on the edge of his shirt. My stomach growled and I started to finish the food he had brought me half an hour ago.

This, Bellamy and me, whatever it was, was strange. But it was familiar, it was nice. I felt at home with him. I felt like this could work, even if I was terrified of it all. I was scared to tell his sister, my best friend. I was scared to let go of Finn and realize I had more feelings than the ones he had made me feel.

Mostly I was scared to go home and face my mother, who would no doubt throw a few I told you so's in my face. I winced as I imagined her smiling, hugging me and asking what happened with Finn. I would tell her the truth, because I always did. Then somehow she would find a way to make it my fault and we would have another fight.

We were always fighting. It got worse after my dad. There was no one to step in between us, trying to play the referee after he died. 

I ran my hands through my hair and decided to get a shower. We had another day to spend on that bus and I couldn't do it without one. I heard Bellamy's voice through the door, he was very loudly giving Octavia his opinion. I shut the bathroom door and turned on the hot water.

The water eased out the aches in my muscles, the same way Bellamy had helped the aches in my heart. I took in a deep breath, washing my hair and feeling better. I let my ghosts wash down the drain, I was going to start over. It was the only way I would make it back home in one piece.

Once I was done I dried myself off and changed into a new pair of clothes. I stood there for a moment, biting my lip, contemplating putting his shirt back on. My heart pounded as I grabbed the black piece of fabric and pulled it on before I could think too hard about it.

Bellamy was still outside, I could hear him talking to his sister. I tried to listen, but he was mumbling. I jumped when my phone started to ring. I looked at the screen this time, it was my mom calling.

I prepared myself for the conversation before I answered, “hello."

"Clarke. I uh, I hear you're coming home," she sounded different, less angry than before.

"Yeah. I'm on my way, my bus broke down though so there's a delay," I paused waiting for her to say something. 

"You shouldn't have taken a bus. I could've wired you the money for a plane ticket," always trying to make me feel worse than I already did.

I rolled my eyes, "the bus is fine mom. I like it, it has charm."

I thought about Bellamy and his charm, I smiled. My mom huffed in the other end, "it's not charming if it's broken down in the middle of nowhere delaying your arrival."

"Mom I will be home soon and then you can find another thing to fight about me with, okay? I really don't want to do it over the phone."

She was quiet and then I bit my lip again. When she sighed I knew it wasn't an apology she was going to offer me, "well we need to talk about school. So you're coming home home right?"

I closed my eyes, "I don't want to talk about school mom. I want to figure out my life. I don't want to do that in school.”

"Clarke. We will discuss this when you get back," she had her angry voice on. I could tell this was final in her eyes, "please don't start with me over the phone.”

"Fine. I have to go," I hung up before she could make me any madder. 

I threw my phone down and stood there staring at the door. I needed out of this room. My safe little bubble here with Bellamy had popped the moment I answered my moms call. I squeezed my hands together and then walked towards the door.

Bellamy seemed surprised as I passed him, letting the door close behind me. I hurried down the hall as I heard him call for me, not caring that Octavia was on the other end. I wiped the hot tears off my cheeks and let out a breath. I shouldn't have answered.

At least I knew what to expect when I got home. She hasn't cooled down, she was still going to throw our last fight in my face. I left the lobby of the motel and felt the sun shine down and soak into my skin. It felt better, the anger faded slightly as I took in a deep breath. 

There was no sidewalk for me to follow. I just started walking down the dirt road. Watching as a car passed every so often. It was strange for this motel to be set in the middle of nowhere, but that's where we were. 

My mom and I would always have a complicated relationship. I should've known it would get worse after my dad died. I loved medicine, I loved helping people. But I couldn't see that being my life the way it was hers. As much as I loved science and that part of myself, I also had a strong urge to be creative, art called to me as much as medicine. I wasn't sure which direction to go.

It was either follow my head or my heart. The same way it had been with Finn. I felt so closed off from what I wanted and I had no idea what that was. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry, but instead I just kept walking. 

My hands were in fists when I heard someone come up behind me, "hey princess, where are you going?"

I could feel the need for a fight coming on, "Bellamy just go back to the motel.”

He didn't stop and soon his long legs were catching up to me. He cleared his throat, reaching for my hand, "hey tell me what happened."

I shook my head, "she always does this. She always ruins a moment when I finally feel like I've gotten myself back together. Then she comes and tells me I'm a disappointment, that I'm not good enough. God I hate her.”

"Whoa, whoa, calm down," he out his hands on my shoulders and stopped me from walking. He let out a slow breath as he looked at me, "who are you talking about?”

"My mom," I fought off the lump in my throat, "she called me when you were outside on the phone with Octavia. It was worse than Finns phone call.”

He squeezed my shoulder, "you don't have to listen to her. You can do whatever you want, it's your life not hers.”

I smiled at him, "that's so much easier said than done.”

He was quiet for a second, "Octavia heard me call after you.”

I groaned, "awesome now she'll be upset with me because I didn't tell her I was hooking up with her brother," I covered my face with my hands.

He laughed, "actually she's pretty excited that we're getting along.”

I pulled my hands away and looked at him, grateful that he had changed the subject. I was surprised to hear that he told Octavia so I didn’t have to, “really?"

His smile was genuine as he threw his arm ground my shoulders and we started walking back towards the motel, "yeah I can't believe you didn't hear her squeal all the way from home.”

I shook my head, "I'm glad she doesn't hate me.”

"She could never hate you. She told me she was going to call you, but I suppose you don't have your phone?”

I sighed, "no I threw it down my mom made me mad. But I'll be sure to call her later," I flashed him a smile, "I like this Bellamy. I like him a lot.”

He pulled me into his side and I felt his lips graze my temple as we walked slowly towards the building. There were butterflies in my stomach, I had a feeling our Bubble would end up popping soon. But for now I would enjoy our time, his company. For now I'd let myself keep falling for him. 

I laughed, realizing that Bellamy was right. This was my life I could end up with who I wanted, where I wanted to be. I didn't have to do what my mom wanted me to do, I didn't have to follow in her footsteps. I could do whatever the hell I wanted to.

True to her word I had five missed calls and a few texts from my best friend. She was frantic and wanted information. I sent her a smiley face back, along with sorry for not telling you. Then I turned my phone off, getting rid of all the distractions for the night. I wanted to stay in our bubble as long as I possibly could.

The second bus hadn't gotten to the motel yet, which meant we were spending another night in our room. I wasn't complaining though. Even though we were still stuck in the motel in the middle of nowhere, we were more than content. Because we crawled under the covers and relived the previous night all over again.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, the morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to give you two chapters to hold you over until I finished.  
> I'm so close to the end I can see it, but I haven't written it down yet.  
> Good news is I have the best line ever for the end.  
> Enjoy =)
> 
> Also as a side note if anyone has any other ideas for a short fan fiction I would love to write another!

My cheeks were wet and someone kept saying my name. I felt a hand against my cheek, a thumb running circles below my eyes. My eyes were still closed as I heard the sob escape my throat. I cried out, my hands reaching for empty air in front of me. I felt someone warm holding me, his voice in my ear, “Clarke."

I guess it was my turn for the ghosts to show up. 

I opened my eyes and Bellamy was staring down at me concerned, "hey don't cry. I wasn't that bad.”

I couldn't stop the smile as I woke up and saw the sun was already shining. He was shirtless, I was still wearing it. He had his arms around me, I was on my stomach, my head on his warm chest. He was drawing letters across my back gently. I could feel the outline of a P.

I closed my eyes for a second, wondering how I could make this new pain stop. I took in a breath, trying to ignore the aches, to stop thinking about what I was going home to. And to think I had been excited to get back home less than ten hours ago.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bellamy's deep voice invaded my thoughts. I opened my eyes and he was still staring at me.

I sighed, "I don't want this to end," I whispered. My response must not have been what he was expecting. But it was the truth, I didn't want to leave this room, I wanted to stay in it with him for as long as I could. Even if that meant forever.

He flashed me that crooked smile, "well I happen to have a shitty room just like this back home," he kept tickling my back and forcing the tears away with his touch, "I might invite you over, if you play your cards right.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, "oh yeah? I'd say you're the one who should play the cards right," I giggled as he tickled me. I crawled on top of him, pinning his hands to the mattress so he couldn’t tickle me more, "I've got a secret weapon.”

"Oh yeah, what's that?”

I lowered my face towards his and right before my lips touched his I moved them to his ear, "we both know Octavia will make your life a living hell if you ruin me like the others.”

His eyes were wide, the smile gone. I laughed as his face paled slightly. If anyone was afraid of their little sister, it was Bellamy. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat as I moved my hips against his, smiling as he looked up at me. My heart was pounding, I wanted to keep this going. But as his hands grabbed my thighs to pull me center, the phone in our room rang, startling both of us.

I slid off his lap as he reached for the phone. He pulled me into his side, “hello?"

He listened to the person on the other end. I watched him nod his head, saying okay and understanding. And then hung up without saying goodbye. He looked as annoyed as I felt at the interruption.

"So who was that?" I asked running my fingers up and down his chest.

He sighed, "the bus will be here in two hours, we're supposed to be ready to check out and wait in the lobby.”

"That's good right?" I asked sitting up feeling excited to get back to Octavia. I missed her more now that we were getting closer to home.

He shrugged, "we knew this would come to an end.”

I pulled away as his arms fell, and I realized he was deciding to end it. I sighed and stood up, pulling at the bottom of his shirt to try and cover the top of my legs, "yeah I guess we did.”

His eyes followed me as I grabbed my duffel bag and slammed the bathroom door. I threw my bag down angry at myself for letting him tell me what I already knew. We were going to stop, we had to. We couldn't keep this going, even if he did have a shitty room back home. Because when things went south Octavia would be stuck to choose between us.

We all knew she would pick her family. Blood is thicker than water. 

I wiped away the tears, turning on the shower before I let myself fall apart again. I pulled his shirt off, inhaling his scent as it covered my face. God all I wanted was to start over and not get stuck in this room with him. If I wouldn't have given into that crush, my heart, I won't feel more pieces breaking.

"Clarke," there was a knock on the door as I stood there in my underwear staring at the shower running. 

I didn't answer him, I didn't move. I let myself cry for everything I had lost recently. I cried for Finn, for my dad. I cried because the pain was still there from his loss, I cried about fighting with my mom. But mostly I cried for me, for the life I had no control over.

I didn't even hear the door open, but suddenly he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes, trying to catch my breath as he held me and I fell apart. His hand ran through my hair, as I turned and wrapped my arms around him. I buried my face in his shoulder, pressing my chest against his. This was what I wanted, out of everything I couldn't control, this was what I wanted to stick.

I pulled back and his eyes were sad, "Clarke I -" I stopped him from going on. I pressed my lips to his, getting one last kiss, one last moment together before we left our bubble. 

He didn't push me away, his hands moving towards my thighs again. He squeezed them, pushing me up against the sink. His hand snaked down to my chest and I moaned into his mouth as he touched me. 

Bellamy hoisted me up onto the sink just as my hands went for his pants. I pushed them under the waist before he reached for my underwear. We were both breaking heavily, the steam from the shower making us wet as we found each other. I screamed out as he thrust into me, my hand wrapped around his wrist. I gasped, my eyes closing as he kept going rougher than before.

Maybe we were both trying to say goodbye, maybe we were tired of dancing around our feelings. But whatever it was, we were both trying to hold onto this last time. He was kissing my throat as I bit down on his ear. He moaned as I twisted my hips. I was so close, my eyes rolling towards the back of my head.

As we both reached our highs, Bellamy cried out. There was nothing as amazing as hearing the man you were with cry out as you turned him on. His eyes were closed, I watched him as it happened. I smiled as he opened his eyes, watching me do the same. 

He didn't move as we tried to catch our breath. He stayed with his hands on my ass, holding me against him. My heart was pounding as tears filled my eyes. I looked away from him, more than sure the shower was freezing. 

For a second I was at a loss for words, there were no thoughts in my head. I closed my eyes, letting the moment settle, trying to figure out just what to say, what to do. I didn't want this to end, but I didn't know how to hold onto anything anymore. I looked into his beautiful eyes, knowing he'd be another ghost to haunt me.

"I should get ready," I whispered as he let me go. My voice was shaky, I wanted him to tell me this would work. I wanted him to fight for me, "we don't have much time.”

His arms didn't move as he stood there a second longer. His eyes swept over me, taking me in like this was the last time he would see me. Then he nodded, his lips formed a thin line as he turned and left me standing there, with just the ghost of his kiss left on my lips.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've been a little busy, but I've also been writing.  
> I have a new idea for another story once this one is finished, can't wait to start that one =)  
> the Comments ya'll leave are awesome and make me smile so much, thank you!  
> I wrote a little scene maybe you're check it out? It's supposed to make you feel something, anything.  
> I promise to post another chapter in less than 24 hours!

Bellamy was fourteen when they finally decided to send him off to boarding school. I was over at their house the day his mom dropped the bombshell. Octavia and I were about thirteen, in that stage where we liked to know what was going on in the house, but pretended not to care. but this was Bellamy, Octavia always cared about her brother. So when she heard the screaming, we walked into the living room to see what was happening.

“Bell, we’ve decided to get you some help, we can’t handle this anymore. So you’re going to a school where they can straighten you out,” she kept her voice flat, no emotion on way or the other. Her face didn’t show whether she would miss him or not either. It was like they weren’t related at all.

Octavia took it worse than he did. She started crying and Bellamy had to comfort her. It should’ve been the other way around. She threw a fit, she called her parents unfair, she told them he wasn’t out of control. They shot back with questioning eyes, asking if she enjoyed his pranks, his torture. When she didn’t answer they turned to me for conformation of how horrible he was. In that moment, hated being so close that they felt like I could be included in moments like these.

I looked at Bellamy and I knew what they were thinking, why they were doing this. They knew one day his pranks wouldn’t be funny. Most of them weren’t funny now, but they were harmless. They weren’t dangerous. Soon he’d be old enough for the pranks to get bigger, and he’s wind up in jail. He didn’t listen to them, he would do whatever he wanted, claiming he was old enough to make his own decisions since they weren’t around much anyways. 

He sat there stoically listening to them talk about the new place he would live at for the next however many years. He kept his arm around his sister, her tears soaking into the shoulder of his shirt. I sat there watching this family moment unfold, completely dumbfounded as to how I could help my best friend. I didn’t know how I could ease her pain, but I wanted to. I hated seeing someone I cared about in pain.

He didn’t even get to take anything with him. We sat there trying to calm Octavia down for over an hour. When the tears were almost dry, his parents said it was time for him to go. The water works started again. He stood, hugging Octavia for a long time. She swayed in his arms, mumbling something between the two of them. She never did tell me what he whispered to her, making her laugh and forget her tears for a moment.

He came to me and I thought he was going to give me a speech about looking after her. We might have had our differences, but we both had one thing in common. We were fiercely loyal and protective of Octavia. We both loved her unconditionally. But he didn’t lecture me, he stood there staring at me, his tall stature shadowing my petite one. Then he took me by surprise and pulled me into a hug much like the one he had given his sister.

We never had moments like this, where we weren’t fighting long enough to enjoy each other’s company. Still even if he wasn’t my favorite person, that didn’t mean I wanted him sent away. Especially not when it hurt Octavia as badly as it did. 

He had his arms wrapped around me, I couldn’t help but hug him back. I smiled, burying my nose in his shoulder for one second too long. I took in his scent, remembering all the summers he would spend carrying us around on his back, laughing as he giggled and then throwing us into the pool. I remembered the tan he would get when we stayed out too long, the freckles that would line his nose by the end of the summer. The little moments I thought never mattered, where the ones that played in my head. The Bellamy I rarely got to see, smiling and happy with the two of us.

I knew him almost as well as I knew Octavia. They were a packaged deal, and now they were being separated. My heart hurt for her, and for him. 

“Take care of her for me,” he whispered, his breath hot in my ear. Then before he took a step back he kissed my cheek.

I nodded, feeling dizzy as his warmth left me. I felt as horrible as Octavia did in that moment. He wiped my tear off my cheek, a tear I hadn’t even known fell. Then he turned and followed his parents to the car.

I’ll never forget watching them drive away. My stomach hollow as Octavia clung to me, standing in their driveway. I kept her standing as we watched the car drive down the road. Before they reached the end Bellamy turned around and gave us one last wave. Then they were gone, and we didn’t hear from him for a long time after that.

Octavia never really forgave her parents for seining him away. She fought with them a lot the years that followed. Whenever she messed up and they would lecture her about something, she’d ask if they were going to send her away too. They gave into her a lot easier than they had before. They had to pick their battles or she would just yell about how terrible they were for taking her brother away.

She was reckless. The first year he was gone was the worst. She snuck out of her house all the time, talked back to her parents. She swore at them, and smoked her first cigarette one night after convincing me to follow her to the open field behind my house. I tried to calm her down, I tried to keep her from turning into someone he wouldn’t recognize when he came home. But I wasn’t who she wanted,  I wasn’t the person who could stop her from herself.

Things started to get back to normal, whatever that was, once the first letter came. Almost a year after he was sent away she got his first letter, and she realized what she was doing. She realized she was losing herself to her grief. After that first letter he gained phone privileges and Octavia was herself again. There was still a stubbornness behind her eyes, a fire that started after he left and never went out.

I stayed beside her through it all. She was my first friend, my best friend, I never thought to walk away from her when she needed me the most. I couldn’t let her deal with losing her brother all on her own.

Ten years later and she was there for me when I lost my dad. I didn’t even have to call her, she was there when I got home. She was waiting with open arms as I fell apart. She was my rock, my soul mate in more ways than one.

That’s why Bell and I fit so well together. Because he was an extension of his sister, and she was one of the most important people in my life. That’s also why I was so afraid to address my sudden and intense feelings for him. If I lost him, I couldn’t lose her too.

She was my family, that meant more than whatever this was. He was a fickle person, and he lost interest easily in things he picked up. Well at least he did when we were younger. He never stuck to one thing for long. If he lost interest in me faster than I did in him, I would be hurt. I wouldn’t make her choose, because I wasn’t that kind of person. Which meant I would lose them both and one heartbreak would become two.

Still I wanted to call her and ask her for advice. I wanted to have girl talk and tell her about the boy I met who was amazing. Because this Bellamy was a stranger, he was so different from the reckless preteen I had down all those years ago. He was gentle and kind, but he was stubborn and closed off still. I knew she would know what to say to make me feel better. She had always been better with relationships than I was.

She had been dating Lincoln since we were 16. She knew more about dating than I did. I knew she’d be able to calm my doubts and tell me that this boy liked me just from the things I told her. But this wasn’t just a boy I met on my way home, this boy was her brother. Which made things complicated.

I didn’t want to complicate things, especially when she hadn’t seen him in so long. Ever since she got his last letter she had been counting down the days until he came home. I might not have been back home with her, but I still talked to her every single day. I knew she was excited to see her brother again. She had missed him more than she ever realized she would.

I couldn't sleep last night, laying there staring at the ceiling in the dark. I kept thinking about everything, the memory of him leaving fresh in my mind. Bellamy and I could be friends after this, couldn’t we? We had been friends before, sort of. After these last two days we could be two mature adults and move on after sleeping together.

I was wide awake and I turned to face him. He was laying on his stomach, his arms under the pillow, supporting his head. The sheets were tangled around his bare legs, and I was wearing his shirt once again. He looked so young, so at peace as he slept. I almost forgot that he was my best friend’s brother. I got lost in his handsome face, his unruly curls falling into his closed eyes. I reached over and ran my hand across his forehead, sweeping them back for him. He scrunched his nose as he moved towards me. His arms found me and then pulled me into his warm chest.

I realized the problem as I laid there in his arms, smiling as he kissed the back of my shoulder. I couldn’t be his friend after this, because this wasn’t just sex for me. This was so much more, I wanted more than waking up and pretending it didn’t happen. I had let my feelings in and now the only way out was more heartbreak.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're on their way home again, the new bus means new beginning right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised another chapter!  
> We're so close to the end I'm excited. My new story is also getting started, I'll post when this is finished.  
> Stick with me, like you all I love happy Bellarke and I promise you won't be disappointed!

I took a cold shower and put new clothing on. We checked out of the room and found the bus waiting for us. The new bus was better than the first one, it was a lot nicer. It seemed bigger, and the seats looked more comfortable. Bellamy didn’t offer to carry my bag for me this time. We didn’t say more than two words to each other after what happened in the bathroom. I took the same seat I had been in the first time around, wondering if he would find his way beside me again.

I was staring out the window, wondering how in the world I had gotten myself here. 

I shouldn’t have let myself fall for Octavia’s brother. I shouldn’t have thought this was a good idea. It’s always fun in the dark, but forever doesn’t mean forever in the morning light.

I buried my face in my hands trying as hard as I could not to start crying. I had been getting away from the pain, from Finn and all the heartache he caused me. Now here I was sitting on a bus pinning over Bellamy Blake, the boy no one could tame.

My seat sagged slightly, “hey princess, why so sad?”

I was surprised at his voice. The only thing he had said to me was that it was time to leave, and then asked me if I had everything. Everything else was grunting or silence between us. I could still feel him kissing me, I could still feel the weight of his hands on my waist. I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted him to tell me to stop worrying and that we would figure this out. I also wanted him to sit somewhere else so I didn't have to remember how much it would hurt to lose him when the bus ride was over. 

“I’m fine,” I said pushing the tears away and letting my hands fall onto my lap.

He sighed, but didn’t press me on the issue. I looked back towards the window, thinking back to the rain that had welcomed me the first time. I pulled my phone out and saw a text message from Octavia. She was excited about Bellamy and me again, and I sighed. What was I supposed to tell her? That I let her brother break my heart and now I didn’t want to be around him anymore?

I typed a quick response telling her that the bus had gotten fixed and we were on our way home. She sent me a kissing face, and I saw Bellamy watching me text her, “she’s worried about us.”

“Yeah me too,” his voice was soft and I had a feeling he hadn’t meant to say the words out loud. I locked my phone and looked away from him, feeling exhausted from fighting myself and the feelings I was trying so hard not to feel anymore. All I could think about was Finn and his stupid face, telling me if I left I would never find someone who loved me the way he did.

Maybe he was right, maybe I never would fall in love, because I didn’t deserve to be happy. Not after walking away from everything after we lost my dad.

I wiped away a tear before he saw it fall, leaning my head against the window. I winced as the bus hit a bump and felt it smack into the glass.

“That doesn’t look comfortable,” his voice was soft as he reached for my hand. I didn’t protest when he pull me towards him and I laid my head on his nice warm shoulder, “that’s better, huh?”

I didn’t answer him, I just closed my eyes and tried to tune out everything around me. I closed my eyes, feeling his fingers run through my damp hair. I melted into him the way two puzzle pieces fit together, perfectly. My fingers kept running over his, and I felt warm in his embrace. I knew I shouldn’t have laid on him, not when he pushed me away at the motel. He would say one thing and do another, it all felt like a game that I wasn’t used to playing.

Bellamy's breathing evened out and I looked up to see his eyes closed. As he laid there I looked at the dimple on his chin, wondering how I had missed that last night. I sighed, wondering why I was laying on his shoulder when he decided it was over. But it wasn't over, it couldn't be. Because I felt too much for this to be over.

I noticed the dog tags hanging from his neck, and I wondered why he had taken them off last night. He hasn't been wearing them when we had been together, this was the first time I saw them. There were two, and I had a feeling one of them had Jasper's name on it. 

I picked up his hand and tried to think of a way to change his mind. I could just tell him how I felt. He gave me hints, I was too blind before we stopped to realize that's what they were. There's more than one way to say I love you. There's a thousand ways to show it. Bellamy might think he plays it cool, but he's pretty good at showing you he cares.

My mom was never affectionate, she didn't believe in hugging and promising that things would be okay. She taught me to be strong and to keep my emotions in check. As a surgeon she said emotions made you weak, they blurred the lines between business and friends.

I never saw things that way, my dad showed me emotions weren't weakness. Love wasn't weakness it was a strength we were blessed to be given. When he died, I felt like my heart, my belief in love went with him. He wasn't there to reassure me that it would be okay. He wasn't there to tell me he loved me, and I never knew how much I'd miss that until he was gone.

That’s why when Finn came along and told me all those pretty lies, I went with him. He told me that he loved me, he promised me that we could be together. I was filled with grief and the need to run. If he hadn’t come along when I was vulnerable, I wouldn’t be on this bus going back home after three months. He filled the space my dad left, and I didn’t think twice that he wasn’t who he wanted me to believe he was.

My dad had been my rock, and now I wasn't sure who to turn to. I had Octavia, and I loved her. But it would be weird to ask her to talk about her brother. I didn't know if she would be okay telling me what she really thought. She was really close to the situation. Too close to both of us to have a clear view. 

I needed someone who could look from the outside and see what I was missing. Someone like the lady from the motel. One look at us and she thought we were a couple. I smiled slightly as I kept running my fingers over his palm lightly. Maybe that's what other people thought, that we were a couple.

I wanted to know what Bellamy thought. One minute he was ending things, leaving our bubble, and the next he pulled me into his side and held me close. And they say women are the confusing sex. Bellamy said one thing, but did another. Then again that was one thing I was starting to like about him.

"A penny for you thoughts princess," his deep voice was filled with sleep, "or maybe a dollar this time?”

I smiled at him, and just as I got the courage up to tell him how I felt, my phone buzzed between us. I looked at the screen, Finns name flashed. I cringed, and Bellamy took the phone out of my hand. He answered it for me.

"Hello," his voice was gruff, "no she doesn't want to talk to you. She asked you nicely to stop. Now we can do it her way, or the hard way. The hard way involves you and me."

There was a pause and he laughed, "who am I? I'm her boyfriend.”

I sat up quickly, my hair spilling down my shoulder as I gasped. His eyes were on mine as he phone stayed pressed to his ear. He nodded, his mouth still in a line as he listened to Finn. I could only imagine he was fumbling for words. He had never been very good at defending anyone, including himself.

"Good. So now that we're clear stop calling her," he was scary on the phone. I had to give it to him, he was good at intimating someone.

I smiled, taking my phone back, "thanks. You didn't have to do that.”

He shrugged, "I don't like that he keeps calling you. But uh, I mean. I uh-“

I smiled and put my hand over his mouth, "I like you," my voice didn't shake like I thought it would, "I don't know when or how, but Bellamy Blake I fell for you. You feel like home and I don't want this to end. I don't want you to walk away when we get to the station.”

"I know and the moment I said the words I wanted to kick myself. I'm an ass, I don't know how to hold onto something thats important to me. Clarke I never saw you as a sister, I've always saw you as something more," he blushed, "I want this to work. I want you.”

I couldn't stop smiling as I wrapped my arms around his neck. My heart was pounding as I pulled back and looked at him, "so who would've thought we'd become friends?"

He laughed, "I always knew you had a crush on me. I'm just so handsome, there's no reason why you wouldn't."

I rolled my eyes at him, pushing his chest playfully. He grabbed my wrists and the kissed my cheek and I looked at him seriously, "should we uh, tell Octavia? I mean she already knows about us, but I mean _everything_ that’s happened between us?”

He shrugged, "maybe we should just figure this out first? I mean, she's my sister and I love her, but she's got a big mouth and well she might break it before it's broken in.”

I nodded, agreeing with him. We had another day on this bus, which meant we could decide if this was really worth it or if we would end up going back to being kinda sorta friends like before. I sat back in my seat, Bellamy keeping my hands in his. He smiled at me, kissing the back of my hand.

I smiled for the first time the last past three days, realizing that I needed to let go of Finn. I needed to let go of him and the broken promises I had left behind. Here on this bus, holding Bellamy’s hand in mine, that was all that mattered. He didn’t promise me forever, but then again he didn’t have to say the words out loud. One look was all it took to know that he felt exactly the same way I did.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy make their decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys we're almost there! One more chapter! Ah so exciting!  
> I can't wait to post it, and I hope you're enjoying.

Octavia was convinced that her parent’s big surprise was bringing Bellamy home for her 18th birthday. They were so secretive around her present, she told me every single day leading up to the big party that she was sure Bell was closer to home than we thought he was. I wasn’t as convinced as she was, but I tried to be supportive. I didn’t want her to get her hopes up and end up crying on her birthday.

The day went by fast and the party was in full swing when she broke down. She cried because he hadn’t called her like he promised in his last letter. She cried when her parents gave her the watch she had been obsessing over for the last year. It was beautiful and expensive and she didn’t care anymore. She was broken hearted, all she wanted was her brother. Letters and short phone calls weren’t enough anymore.

I sighed, lacing my fingers through Bellamy’s as the sun started to set behind the windows of the bus, “Octavia was a mess without you. I know she probably never told you that in the letters and calls you shared, but she was. I tried to pick up the pieces, I tried to take care of her for you. But it was so hard when I wasn’t who she wanted.”

He sighed, squeezing my hand gently, “she had you and Lincoln.”

“We weren’t enough. It was like she was piecing a piece of herself, like she thought she had failed you somehow.”

Bellamy was quiet. I watched a few other passengers turn their lights on, but I didn’t move from his embrace. Now that we had sort of agreed on what we were, I wanted to stay in his arms forever. I looked down at our hands, his skin was golden against my pale, and I smiled. He was the complete opposite of who I was and I loved that about him.

“She told me one night after getting drunk that you were the one who tucked her in at night. When she was really little you would sing to her,” I kept staring at our hands remembering how much she loved him, “you used to kiss her bruises and tell her bedtime stories. You taught her to be strong, but without you she didn’t know what to do. You might have been a pain in the ass, but she always loved you.”

He laughed, “she was a stubborn thing, always wanted one more story, one more song. I got in trouble a lot because she wouldn’t stop calling. I got the late night watch more than I would’ve liked because of her. But I missed her too, she’s my sister. I couldn’t not miss her, she’s the only other person I cared to remember while I was there.”

“The only other?”

He blushed, “I might have thought about you,” he smiled as I looked at him, “I might have decided you weren’t as annoying as I thought you were. What about you Princess? Did you still hate me after I was gone?”

I bit my lip and then shook my head slowly, “no. Octavia, she told me stories that showed me what a big softy you were,” tears filled my eyes as I remembered sitting around the bonfires and listening to her talk about him, “Bell, she’s going to want to herself when you get home. She won’t want to share you, not even with me. She’s not going to like this, even if she thinks she will now.”

He squeezed my hand again, “Clarke she’s my sister. She wants me to be happy. Right now you make me happier than I thought was possible,” he sighed, “after I lost Jasper I thought getting home to Octavia, to my family, would make me feel better. I thought I just needed to be home, even when I was traveling I thought that. But now here with you, I realize I needed to let someone into the space he left behind.”

He stopped talking and blushed as his eyes looked away from mine. I kept staring at him, smiling. For as long as I had known him I don’t think I ever heard him be so vulnerable or honest with anyone. He had never even been this way with Octavia, although he did tell her he loved her whenever they would part. My eyes didn’t leave him as I thought about what he said.

“Why me?” I asked with a shaky voice. I wanted to know, but at the same time I didn’t want to know. There were so many things he could say that would end up ruining what I thought would make this work.

His eyes found mine, “you feel like home.”

I shook my head, smiling as I poked his chest, “good answer.”

He pulled me as close as I could get with an armrest between us. His hand was pressed against my back and he was about to close the gap between us. Just when he was about to kiss me, his phone rang loudly. I jumped, as he make a face at the noise.

He whined, pinching the bridge of his nose between his two fingers, “it’s like they know they’re interrupting us.”

I giggled as I pulled back and felt the air clear my head, “answer it, it might be important.”

“It’s just Octavia. She’ll understand if I don’t,” I pushed the phone towards him and he rolled his eyes, “fine.”

He put the phone up to his ear, watching me as he answered. He smiled as she started talking about something, and he kept his eyes on mine. His hand was holding mine in his lap, his thumb drawing circles over the back of it. I looked away, wondering what she wanted to talk to him about. I didn’t really care, I just wondered if this was what it would be like. Always wondering why she called so much, getting annoyed when she interrupted one of us when we were about to do something.

I swallowed, pushing down my own annoyance and wondering if she would really be okay with us. Would she still be my best friend if I let Bellamy have his way and we made this work? She never told me she would care if I dated her brother, but then again back when I knew him I hated him. It was never a thought in either of our minds. I don’t know why I was so afraid to lose one or the other. Then I knew it was Finn. I was so scared to find out Bellamy had skeletons and they could chase me away from both the Blakes.

I knew I was worrying for no reason, she wouldn’t cut me off for a stupid reason. I pushed my hair back and sighed. I needed some air, I needed to stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong with both of them. I wouldn’t be able to get any air soon, but I knew I could get some space. I let go of his hand. I stood up, sliding past him. I felt his eyes on me as I walked down the aisle towards the bathroom.

My head was spinning from all the worrying. Bellamy really wasn't backing down, he thought we should do this. I didn't want Octavia to think I threw her to the side. She was still my best friend, and I was sleeping with her brother. But that was just it, I wasn’t just sleeping with him. I had feelings for him, I wanted to be with him.

I opened the bathroom door, ready to splash cold water on my face. Before I could close the door a pair of strong hands grabbed my waist, making my heart stop. Bellamy smiled at me through the mirror, his eyes bright as he kissed my neck.

I giggled, "I can go to the bathroom myself," I whispered as he turned me around. My butt was pressed against the sink, and he was pressed against my chest.

Bellamy didn't say anything, he pressed his mouth to mine, kissing me as hard and slow as he had the first time.

"I want this to work," he whispered his eyes still closed as he pressed his forehead to mine, "I've wanted this ever since I saw you again, Clarke.”

I smiled slightly, "I never hated you," my hand came up to his cheek, "I could never hate you. There’s a fine line between love and hate.”

My heart was pounding as he kept holding me, the bus hitting a bump and sending me closer to his chest. He kissed me again, I could feel his heart beating frantically beneath his shirt. My mind was silent, the pain was gone as he held me, his mouth against mine.

"Octavia," I whispered, pulling away.

“Gives us her blessing, I just checked,” he smiled, pushing a curl behind my ear. He kissed the spot below my ear and made me shiver, "I think I'm in love with you Griffin. I think I've always been.”

My heart stopped, my entire body went numb. I pulled away, unsure of what to say. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think for what felt like minutes. Somehow I regained myself and smiled. Love. Love was new, this was new.

Bellamy cleared his throat, "I know what Finn did hurt you, and it takes time for that to heal. But I'll be here, when the time comes. I've waited ten years," he squeezed my hand and let go, "I can wait a little longer for you to come back to me.”

I blushed as he left me standing there processing what he had just said. My hands were shaking as I turned back around and splashed the water in my face. I had no idea what to think, what to feel. All I knew was that he had finally helped me forget about Finn. There was no pain, I wasn't even dreading going home to my mom. 

Bellamy took all that away with a single touch. Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve love, but someone else thought differently. I couldn't help but wonder if my dad was looking down, smiling as he watched me fall in love for the first, and what I hoped would be the last time.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has made her choice. The bus rolls into the station.  
> She's finally home, but is she ready to face her ghosts?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it the last chapter guys!!!!  
> Thanks for reading, I have another story in the works =)

 

It felt like a lifetime had passed before the bus finally pulled into the station in Lancaster. I took in a deep breath when the doors opened, it smelled like home. It smelled like cows and grass and there was a hint of rain the air. I couldn’t stop smiling as I stretched my arms. I was home and I was with Bellamy. 

Once the bus stopped I got nervous. It was real, I was really back. A few months gone and I had forgotten how wonderful home was, how peaceful it felt to have all the familiar things around me. My hands were on my lap, the bus turning into the station and circling for a place to let us off at. Bellamy watched me, his smile bigger than mine as my leg started to jump up and down.

“Sit still princess,” Bellamy’s hand came to rest on my knee, making my leg stop bouncing. I looked at him, feeling butterflies for more than one reason.

I couldn’t sit still because I was a bundle of nerves. I was home, I was back where my mom and the ghosts I tried to run from where waiting for me. There were so many things that could happen, so many things that worried me. What if my mom decided to show up at the station? What if she beat Octavia and forced me away from the happiness I had found on the way home? I didn’t want to deal with her, I wasn’t ready for that just yet. When I called Octavia earlier, when we passed the sign for Lancaster, she had promised me she would be the only one there.

“Sorry,” I sighed finally looking up at him, “I just haven’t been home in so long. I’m nervous. What if it’s changed? Wait stupid question,” I held up my hand, “you haven’t been home in a lot longer than me.”

He smiled, that smile that could make me calm down without any words passed between us. He squeezed my knee reassuringly, “then you’ll adapt to that change. I doubt you’re the same person you were when you left here,” his deep voice was soothing. I loved when he tried to make me feel better.

I knew he was right. Bellamy had been gone for ten years and he wasn’t the same preteen who left this town. He was mature, he was a solider. He held himself with a grace I never thought was possible. The boy who used to terrorize us was gone and in his place was a man who we never knew was there. He was stronger, more sure of himself than he was when he left us.

I wasn’t the same broken girl who ran from her father’s death, her mother’s words. I was stronger, I had survived not one but two losses. And somehow through that I had found my way to someone who cared more than they should. I had found my way home to this town and to Bellamy. Both were unexpected, and equally impressive.

My heart hammered in my chest. I smiled as I looked back at him, the bus stopping in line waiting until we could be first. Bellamy looked at me with big eyes. Someone once told me that when a woman is in love you can see it in her smile. But when a man is in love you can see it in his eyes. Bellamy’s eyes were beautiful and sparkling, and I could only hope it was because he was in love with me too.

“You know how you told me you think you love me?” He nodded his head slowly. I hadn’t answered him, but that didn’t mean I didn’t hear his words. They had taken me by surprise and I was a little afraid of them. They made me feel more alive than I had in the days after my dad’s death, “I think I might be in love with me too.”

I laughed, watching him realize I didn’t say what he was expecting. His face fell, but then he heard my laughter. He smiled, shaking his head. He bit his lip and reached for me, “you’re so funny Princess.”

I giggled, moving away as he tried to tickle me. I dodged his hand and grabbed it before he could make me squeal. The laughter died down slightly as I kept my eyes on his, feeling my heart pull as I took in a breath, “what I meant to say was that I think I love you too, Blake.”

His smile was even more beautiful than I ever realized in that moment. He leaned in, filling the gap between us and kissed me softly. We were still caught up in our own little world on that bus, and I didn’t want to get off. I was afraid the spell would be broken once we found our way back into the lives we had left behind. 

I took in a deep breath, pulling away and trying to stop my hands from shaking even more. Having Bellamy beside me made it easier to face everything I had left behind. He was cool and calm compared to my nerves. I was scared to see my best friend, to hear her tell me she missed me. To know that I had caused her the same heartache she felt when her brother was taken away.

The driver stopped inching forward and told us we could get off the bus. Everyone around us stood up, stretching and started for the aisle. Neither one of us moved and I wondered if Bellamy was taking in the last moments of our own little piece of paradise the way I was. 

We sat there waiting for the bus to settle, watching as everyone fought to get off first. We were all restless, being on a bus for two days could do that to you. Even though I should’ve been running for the door, I wasn’t in a hurry to get off. 

Bellamy nudged my shoulder, his hand waiting for mine. I looked at him and he flashed me a crooked smile, "together? You don't have to do this alone anymore.”

I laced my fingers through his and smiled, feeling lighter than I had when I got on the bus. I nodded my head, “together."

This time Bellamy didn’t ask, he just grabbed my bag and carried it for me. His backpack was slung over his shoulder and he kept his other hand in mine as we stood up. We were the last people to get off the bus, which was only appropriate. I smiled at him as he walked down the steps first, pulling me slowly down behind him.

Bellamy stopped outside the bus door and looked at me again, “ready?”

I knew what he was asking. Was I ready to leave our time and find Octavia and face everything we had waiting for us. I wasn’t ready, but with his hand in mine I knew I could be brave. I nodded my head and then followed him through the people towards the station. He held my hand tightly so I wouldn’t get separated from him.

We were standing in the middle of the building when we heard a loud squeal, “oh my god it’s true! You weren’t lying to me.”

I couldn’t stop the smile that appeared as I turned to see my best friend standing there. Octavia stood there a few feet away smiling as she looked at her brother and me together. It had been far too long since we were separated, I felt it hit me all at once. Bellamy let go of my hand as I ran towards her open arms. I laughed as she shook her head and then hugged me tightly. 

She hugged me so tightly that I thought all my pieces would be put back together again. I thought when I pulled away I would be the same girl she grew up with, the one who didn’t have to worry about a life she wasn’t ready for. She squeezed me again and I felt even more at home. I felt like this was finally where I was supposed to be.

“I missed you and your hugs,” I said pulling back to see her wipe away a tear.

“Yeah. Bell’s aren’t as great as mine,” she laughed as I blushed and he came to stand behind me. 

He put his arm around my waist, making his sister smile, “hey. Clarke happens to love my hugs.”

My cheeks got darker as he I looked away. It was true, Octavia gave amazing hugs. She wrapped her arms around you and made you feel special. She swayed as she held you, squeezing you whenever you thought you were ready to break. Her lips always grazed your cheek when she pulled away. She was full of light and love and she could make someone who hated hugs, fall in love with hers.

But Bellamy was different. He was warm and strong, his big arms held me like I was a fragile piece of glass he didn’t want to break. He didn’t move when he held me, he stayed still like he was afraid I was a feather that would blow in the wind as soon as he let me go. He would kiss the top of my head, because he was that much taller than me, and make me feel like I was the only person in the entire world. When he held me like that I never wanted him to let me go.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “okay stop being all cute and give me a hug, brother. It’s been way too long.”

I watched the two of them together and I smiled. It was clear that Bellamy had missed his sister as much as she missed him. I felt like I was intruding on this moment, even though I had always been included in both their lives. Tears were in my eyes as they stood there for a moment longer than we had and stayed together. They had ten years to catch up on. I had gotten my time with Bellamy on our way home.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” she whispered as she pulled away and their embrace ended. Her eyes came to me, “both of you. I missed you guys.”

All my fears, doubts and worries about coming home disappeared as I stood there with my two favorite people. Bellamy came to stand beside me again, pulling me into his chest with a soft kiss on my cheek. I smiled, loving the fact that he wasn’t embarrassed to do that in front of his sister. He had been the one to say she would break it before it was broken in and now he was the one showing off with public displays of affection.

“Yeah,” I said grabbing Octavia’s hand and including her in our moment, “I’m glad I’m home now too.”

Being home felt bittersweet. I knew I would have to deal with my mom and all the fights we would have once again. I knew I would have to face my dad’s ghost and let him go. But standing there in the middle of the station with my other family, the one I chose to call mine, none of that mattered. Because they loved me as much as I loved them and I knew there was no way they would ever let me go again.

Octavia wouldn’t stop smiling at her brother and me together. I guess that answered my question. She was more than happy for us, she would share her brother because she wanted him to be happy. Bellamy had been right again. I shook my head, feeling foolish for thinking this wouldn’t work. We both wanted it to work, we both knew how different the other person was. We were finding out way back home and we were doing together.

My heart was beating quickly as we stood there together, the three of us reunited once again. I couldn’t help but wonder what the future held, where we would go from here. I knew one thing for sure, I would never leave the way I did before. I would never let either of them go again. 

I looked at Bellamy, feeling more alive than I had when I first walked onto that bus, “so what do we do now?”

He squeezed my hip and kissed my cheek. His eyes were sparkling as he looked at his sister and then back down at me, "whatever the hell we want."

 

**The End**


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years after they get home, Bellamy and Clarke start a life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I caved and thought of an ADORABLE epilogue. I hope you like it.  
> I hope your hearts melt at this Bellarke moment. I loved writing this scene.  
> Also maybe you'd like my other story? Check it out =)

**_Five Years later…._ **

 

 ****It had been a rough nine months. Between the swollen feet, the morning sickness that I couldn't get rid of, and the constant need for Bellamy to touch me I was ready for this baby to be born. I mean the last one on that list wasn't terrible, Bellamy didn't seem to mind it at all. But I was exhausted, I didn't want to be pregnant anymore.

Everyone says pregnancy is beautiful, sure it is. Once you get over the creepy people constantly touching or talking to your stomach. Or the fact that you bloat out overnight and you can't see your feet anymore. Or that you can't hold any food down for the first three months. No one told me that getting into this mess. 

But on the rare nights I didn't get sick and Bellamy would put his hand against my small bump I couldn't help but smile. Because I was carrying our child. We had created it together out of love and the best pieces of us. They were going to be beautiful, girl or boy. I was excited to become a mother. 

When Bellamy proposed three years after we had started dating, I had been a little worried. I loved him, there was no doubt about that. But there were things we still didn’t know about each other. He had ghosts he was still fighting, and I was afraid he would regret his decision. Octavia told me I was overthinking things, her brother was head over heels in love with me. It was nice to hear it from someone else.

Our lives were prefect together. I decided medicine wasn’t for me and I told my mom I wouldn’t go to school. Instead I opened my own art studio where people come and do whatever they want, make the biggest mess they can, and then I display all the work. People love it, there’s something for everyone. Clay and pottery, there’s a wheel to spin your own clay, or a part to splatter pain on a canvas. Before my feet hurt too much I spent more than half my day there.

Bellamy was working his way up the police force. He was one of the youngest men there to become a detective before his thirtieth birthday. We were happy together, we spent our nights in bed smiling at this little life we never thought we could have together. I was so grateful for that bus ride home. My dad really wanted me to be happy without him, so he brought Bellamy back into my life.

Our wedding had been small and very rustic. I wanted it in a barn with only Bellamy’s family and my mom in attendance. Octavia was my maid of honor and Lincoln had been Bell’s best man. The preacher who had married my parents was the one who married us. I couldn’t have been happier for the way our small wedding happened. All our friends came to the reception and we partied way too long.

I stopped thinking about Finn after that bus ride home. I took that time to mourn his loss, but once Bellamy took my hand into his I knew there was no one else that deserved my heart. I loved that boy, I wasn’t sure how or why but I loved him with my entire heart and soul. Finn was just a distance memory at this point.

I winced as I stood there looking at my latest painting. I was trying to recreate this picture from our honeymoon, but it was hard. I couldn’t get the lighting right with the water. I bent down to grab the paintbrush I had dropped. That’s when I felt it, the water dripped down my leg. My eyes went wide, there were people all around the studio.

I laughed loudly, pain ripping through my stomach, “Octavia!”

Octavia was always at the studio. I was surprised that she hadn’t gotten married before her big brother. But Bellamy had more life experience, he was ready to settle down. We all knew Lincoln and her would end up together, but for some reason they weren’t rushing things. The younger Blake came running into the room.

Her eyes went wide when she looked at the puddle at my feet, “I think my water broke.”

“Oh my gosh! My niece or nephew is on the way!” she put her hands to her mouth and giggled. I winced at the pain, “did you bring your bag? We need to get you to the hospital.”

I nodded, “it’s in the car. We need to,” I let out a breath the way they teach you in those baby classes, “call Bellamy.”

I was holding onto the table, half bent over as I tried to work through the pain. Octavia grabbed my hand and supported my weight, “I’ll call him in the car. Let’s go, you’re really pale.”

It took her a few minutes to put someone in charge. There were only a few employees, I usually did most of the work myself. But there was a girl who was there that afternoon, I had been putting her on in case this would happen. Once we told her we were leaving, Octavia rushed me to the car. 

The pain was nothing like I had felt before. I groaned as I sat in the front seat, I was ready to give birth, but I hadn’t been ready for this pain. Tears were in my eyes as I heard Octavia call Bellamy, “hey Bell. Yeah Clarke’s water broke. We’re on our way now, meet us there.”

I closed my eyes as she felt the car move. I was holding onto the car handle with what I thought was my entire strength. I tried to hold in my screams as Octavia weaved in and out of traffic. It was hard to concentrate on anything with this pain, with knowing soon I would be a mother. This baby would be out of my stomach and in my arms. It was crazy to think how fast this had all gone.

“Bellamy?” my heart raced as I wondered if he would miss the birth of his child. Octavia squeezed my hand as she pulled up to the entrance and ran around to my side to help me out. I needed him here with me. He had gotten me into this mess, I wasn’t going to let him get out of the painful part.

“He’s on his way, princess,” she used his nickname on me as we walked into the lobby and a nurse looked up, “her water broke.”

Someone brought us a wheelchair and then Octavia lowered me into it gently. She ran back out to move the car, and I couldn’t remember if I had shut my door. I was going crazy, I just wanted Bellamy here with me. Tears were in my eyes as the nurse wheeled me towards my room and asked about the father.

“He’s on his way,” I whispered, squeezing my own hands as another contraction ripped through me. With the held of the nurse I was changed into a gown and then ushered up into the hospital bed. I closed my eyes again, putting my hands on my stomach. this was my last peaceful moment with my baby. It was just me and her or him. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I knew I wanted to savor it.

“We can do this,” I said quietly, “I love you baby. You’re going to have so much love you won’t know what to do with it.”

My eyes snapped open when I heard Bellamy’s voice. Leave it to my husband to make the most graceful entrance there was for a hospital. He never was subtle about things, “my wife is in labor! I need to know what room.”

“Please lower your voice sir,” the nurse was scolding him. I smiled, thinking about how frazzled he probably was. He had been on alert ever since I had hit the nine month mark. For the first few days he would call to make sure I hadn’t given birth without him. When I passed my due date he was even more stressed out than I was. 

I knew he was running his fingers through his hair, which was probably gelled down for work. I tried to remember what he was wearing that morning, but I couldn’t. This morning had been an early day for him, he was gone before I woke up. I had been sleeping later these days, the baby wanted more rest.

“Clarke,” I heard his voice and felt my heart stop as he stood in the doorway. His leather jacket was draped over his arm and he was wearing that blue button down shirt that made me bite my lip the entire time I was pregnant. He would wear it purposely in the beginning, when he saw how much I liked it, “I got here as fast as I could.”

He threw his jacket over the chair and came to my side. I grabbed his hand as he kissed my temple, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” he said pushing my hair out of my face. I squeezed his hand as another contradiction came through. I felt his lips on my head, his fingers in my hair as I tried to talk myself through it. 

I opened my eyes once the pain had passed and looked at his hair. It was a mess, the gel was gone. I smiled as I reached up to run my fingers through it, “I hate the way you wear your hair to work.”

He laughed, “I know you do," he whispered bringing his face to mine, “you tell me every single day I leave the house.”

He kissed me softly and then the door opened and the doctor came in, “alright, Mr. and Mrs. Blake are you two ready to become parents?”

Bellamy squeezed my hand this time and nodded his head slowly, “ready as we’ll ever be.”

 

—-

 

"You did so good princess," Bellamy kissed my sweaty forehead and I sighed, leaning into him. The nurse laid our precious baby in my arms and we couldn't stop smiling. He was beautiful dark hair that had given me heartburn for months, a dimple right on his chin to mirror his fathers. I knew when he opened his eyes they would match Bellamy’s.

"He's beautiful," I whispered, tears in my eyes. He was the best parts of us combined. Bellamy kissed me again, a flash going off as his sister joined us. She didn’t say anything, she just stood there watching us together. This was a moment we would always have, the moment we became a family.

Bellamy was speechless, his own eyes filled with tears as our son pulled his finger into his tiny hands. I couldn't believe how beautiful life could be until this moment. I didn't realize how much love could fill a room, an entire heart until these two men came into my life.

"I love you," I looked at Bellamy who couldn't wipe the smile off his face. His lips pressed against mine as our baby held onto both of us. When he pulled back there were more tears, "meet your son. Max Jasper Blake.”

Bellamy's face fell, he went pale. I never told him that I had wanted to give our son his fallen friend’s name. But as we got to know each other, all of his stories from his life had featured Jasper. I knew he loved him, he missed him. He had been his best friend. I knew if we had a son I wanted his middle name to honor Bellamy’s fallen friend. There were tears in his eyes as he looked at him.

“Max Jasper?” his voice broke and I nodded my head.

His finger ran down his little face, “he needs a strong name, one that honors someone who made sure his daddy came back to meet his mom.”

Bellamy smiled, a tear falling down his cheek. He leaned in and kissed me, my heart feeling more full than it ever had before. I knew what true love was in this moment. Between my son and my husband I was full of love I had been looking for since I was young. He pulled back and looked down at Max, “you’re going to be strong. You would’ve made Jasper so proud.”

“So would you,” I whispered. His eyes met mine as a tear fell down his cheek. Then he leaned down so he was closer to his son. I couldn’t stop staring at his profile, “here daddy,” I smiled pushing Max towards him, “hold your son.”

His eyes went wide as he stood up. He told me how terrified he was of becoming a dad time and time again. But now that this moment was here I knew he had to hold him. He nodded his head and then I handed him the baby. Bellamy might have been scared, but he was a natural with the baby in his arms.

I watched as he got used to the weight under his arms and I couldn't stop smiling. I wiped away tears, feeling more than just joy in my heart. There would never be any other man I loved more. Bellamy and Max were my world. 

"He looks like you," Bellamy whispered as Octavia stood beside her brother.

I laughed, "no Bell. He's your spitting image. I hope he grows up to have your strength, your love. We need more men like you."

I closed my eyes, exhausted after the long day we had. Our baby was here, there was no more walking around wondering when he would appear. I smiled as Bellamy bonded with his son. They were staring at each other, Bellamy’s smile was bigger than any I had ever seen. I ran my hands through my sweaty hair. 

“He’s beautiful Clarke,” Octavia smiled looking at her nephew. She was making big eyes at him, her finger enclosed in his tiny hand. I knew she was right, he was the perfect combination of Bellamy. He was beautiful and he was mine. They were both mine.

My mom had come to see her grandson when the word got out. Bellamy’s parents came to visit and so did Lincoln. It was a full on party and I was ready to pass out every time I blinked. I let out a yawn and Bellamy kicked everyone out after they got their turn holding our son. I smiled at him, grateful when it was just the two of us again. No the three of us, Max was safe in Bell’s arms, sound asleep. He didn’t even remember all the people he had just met.

Bellamy set him down in my arms and I moved over so he could share the bed with me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and I felt the world stop turning for a moment. It was just the three of us in this room, in this world. There was nowhere else, nothing else we needed to do. I was happy, happier than I ever thought possible. I wanted to freeze this very moment and never let it go.

Bellamy kissed my temple as we both marveled at the beautiful baby we got to take home with us, "we did good princess. Look at our little king."


End file.
